Tomorrow when we get to the airport
We find that we've ended up in hell.

(Fri 15th Mar 2002, 6:57, More)

The Sphinx rises again

(Mon 4th Mar 2002, 4:07, More)

Truly mighty
to all but dwarf rabbits.

(Mon 7th Jan 2002, 9:23, More)

I regret to say
the crab was seriously injured in the making of this picture.

(Sat 1st Dec 2001, 12:53, More)

We had fun anyway...

No child/crab was hurt during the making of this picture.
(Sat 1st Dec 2001, 11:40, More)

Too late

(Thu 29th Nov 2001, 5:35, More)

Is this the tourist guy?


Read the Wired story. Thanks rob
(Fri 9th Nov 2001, 16:30, More)

Yippee! I've learnt to do a gif!

That's taken me all bloody day..
So what've you lot been up to?
(Thu 8th Nov 2001, 13:14, More)

» Black Sheep

My Uncle Peter
moved to Zimbabwee about 35 years ago, and we haven't heard from him since. So if anyone knows a Peter Morton aged about 65, born in Belfast but now somewhere in Africa, PLEASE, don't get in touch, as we've spent all his part of my grannies inheritance.
(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 9:50, More)

» Kids

No, not that sort of milk..
This happened a few years ago at my nephews 7th birthday party. It was all going as well as these things do, but one of the other 7yr old boys seemed to be a bit sad. So my mum (aged 70 then) asked him if he was okay. He said he wanted a drink of milk, so my mum took him into the kitchen and got the milk out of the fridge. 'no' he said 'not that sort of milk, that sort' as he pointed at her breasts...

Now I'm all for breast feeding, but what sort of 7yr old asks their friends grannies for a taste? Apparently he's still a strange boy..
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 19:55, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

I'm a nurse
It's not true at all that we're all sex-fiends.

Sorry!
(Thu 27th Sep 2007, 11:10, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

I was a student nurse in Belfast
One of my friends had a real thing about squaddies - loved anything in a uniform if you know what I mean. Well one drunken night we were wandering the streets of Belfast and an armoured car went past - one of the ones with the big squaddie with his rifle looking out a hole in the top. We were drunk, and young, and female, so we waved at him and shouted hello. Unfortunately this put the driver off, and he veered out of his lane crashing into another car. He came to an abrupt stop and the squaddies in the back obviously panicked, and thinking they were under attack from the IRA or whoever piled out the back ready to shoot whoever had ambused them.

We did the only thing we could and legged it, managing to dive into a friendly pub round the corner just as the army helicopter got to the scene.

Oops.

They didn't catch us, but I'd love to know what they put on the insurance form for the damage to the other blokes car.
(Thu 23rd Mar 2006, 23:22, More)

» Stupid Tourists

I was the clever tourist
When I was a poor student I got the ferry from Belfast to visit my sister at university in Glasgow. Being very diligent, and having exams coming up I brought a file of 'stuff' with me.
On the way home I was stopped by security at the docks
Security girlie "where have you been?"
Me "to visit my sister. "
SG "why?'
Me "just a family visit"
SG " what are all these notes then if it's a family visit?"
Me "just notes, I'm a student"
SG "that's okay then, off you go"

Ha. Silly woman. They were the plans for the IRA to take over the British mainland....
(Tue 12th Jul 2005, 19:39, More)