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- a member for 22 years, 7 months and 2 days
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» My Worst Vomit
Shit and Vomit
Some years ago I was struck down by typhoid in Cambodia. As it happens, (and before I knew I had typhoid), I went out to dinner with a bunch of people. Although I felt in full control of my senses (clearly I was in the grip of a high fever), one of the people I was with kept saying that I looked awful. I was annoyed and insulted. Later that evening (having gone to bed with my girlfriend) I awoke, desperately needing to vomit. The house we were sharing had a bathroom with 2 doors. Unfortunately the one I needed was locked. Quickly I collapsed in a frenzy of shit and vomit, gushing from both ends. I was very ill. Clearly I was making loud retching (or is it reaching?) noises, as one of the people we were sharing a house with came into our room. The floors were wooden and they had not noticed the vomit and liquid faecal matter all over the floor. They slipped and knocked themselves unconscious, while successfully covering themselves in my anal seapage and puke. My girlfriend awoke at this stage...I wonder what her initial thoughts were?
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 13:15, More)
Shit and Vomit
Some years ago I was struck down by typhoid in Cambodia. As it happens, (and before I knew I had typhoid), I went out to dinner with a bunch of people. Although I felt in full control of my senses (clearly I was in the grip of a high fever), one of the people I was with kept saying that I looked awful. I was annoyed and insulted. Later that evening (having gone to bed with my girlfriend) I awoke, desperately needing to vomit. The house we were sharing had a bathroom with 2 doors. Unfortunately the one I needed was locked. Quickly I collapsed in a frenzy of shit and vomit, gushing from both ends. I was very ill. Clearly I was making loud retching (or is it reaching?) noises, as one of the people we were sharing a house with came into our room. The floors were wooden and they had not noticed the vomit and liquid faecal matter all over the floor. They slipped and knocked themselves unconscious, while successfully covering themselves in my anal seapage and puke. My girlfriend awoke at this stage...I wonder what her initial thoughts were?
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 13:15, More)
» My Worst Vomit
Job interview vomit (slick)
This currently resides in the 'how to puke and be slick at the same time' hall of fame. I had a morning job interview and had been drinking heavily the night before. While waiting in reception for my interviewer to greet me, the queasiness began to take hold. This was exacerbated by nerves. I did not have time to make it to the bog so I opened my suit jacket and was sick (uncopiously) into my inside pocket. The receptionist did not notice. I sat through the interview, and began to notice a seeping wet stain appear on my shirt. I forgot to have the suit dry cleaned and discovered the vomit again about 3 weeks later.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 15:21, More)
Job interview vomit (slick)
This currently resides in the 'how to puke and be slick at the same time' hall of fame. I had a morning job interview and had been drinking heavily the night before. While waiting in reception for my interviewer to greet me, the queasiness began to take hold. This was exacerbated by nerves. I did not have time to make it to the bog so I opened my suit jacket and was sick (uncopiously) into my inside pocket. The receptionist did not notice. I sat through the interview, and began to notice a seeping wet stain appear on my shirt. I forgot to have the suit dry cleaned and discovered the vomit again about 3 weeks later.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 15:21, More)
» My Worst Vomit
Wank your sick
I used to be in a band that toured regularly across Europe. Booze filled drug fests were frequent. We delighted in inventing catchy slogans and monikers for every situation or person that we came across. Such a fate befell a 'new recruit' trombone player we hired for a French tour. He was plied with 2 bottles of Vodka (as part of his initiation into the Horn Section). We had made him share a room with our drummer (a bit of a loner). The new recruit was found naked on the floor the following morning with vomit all over his cock and balls. As you can imagine, the first catchy slogan that popped into our sordid minds was that he had 'wanked his sick'. This was later changed to 'Sick your wank' etc etc and down.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 14:21, More)
Wank your sick
I used to be in a band that toured regularly across Europe. Booze filled drug fests were frequent. We delighted in inventing catchy slogans and monikers for every situation or person that we came across. Such a fate befell a 'new recruit' trombone player we hired for a French tour. He was plied with 2 bottles of Vodka (as part of his initiation into the Horn Section). We had made him share a room with our drummer (a bit of a loner). The new recruit was found naked on the floor the following morning with vomit all over his cock and balls. As you can imagine, the first catchy slogan that popped into our sordid minds was that he had 'wanked his sick'. This was later changed to 'Sick your wank' etc etc and down.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 14:21, More)
» World's Most Hated Food
Own brand Mayo
Supasavers own brand mayonnaise - I'd rather eat the vaginal discharge of a doubly incontinent 90 year old's porridgy gusset. It's not really to my taste.
(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 13:46, More)
Own brand Mayo
Supasavers own brand mayonnaise - I'd rather eat the vaginal discharge of a doubly incontinent 90 year old's porridgy gusset. It's not really to my taste.
(Tue 13th Jul 2004, 13:46, More)
» Evidence that you're getting old
grunt / groan
Why does sitting down, bending over to pick something up, lifting something heavy - ALWAYS cause me to utter some form of noise such as a grunt or a groan. In my youth I used to be able to mount the first step of a staircase (stop sniggering) without needing to grab the bannister and HMMMPHH (or something like that). Farting too - this has become a real problem. Every morning I vent the volume equivalent of 3 or 4 small cars worth of air. Bugger! I'm only 35.
(Wed 3rd Nov 2004, 16:16, More)
grunt / groan
Why does sitting down, bending over to pick something up, lifting something heavy - ALWAYS cause me to utter some form of noise such as a grunt or a groan. In my youth I used to be able to mount the first step of a staircase (stop sniggering) without needing to grab the bannister and HMMMPHH (or something like that). Farting too - this has become a real problem. Every morning I vent the volume equivalent of 3 or 4 small cars worth of air. Bugger! I'm only 35.
(Wed 3rd Nov 2004, 16:16, More)