b3ta.com user MBH
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» Hidden Treasure

Tresor
Bucket outside the back door which the males of the house used to piss in 'cos the toilet was away at the end of the garden. I rummaged around in there and in among the teabags and carrot-tops found a dead mouse, which I took in to show my folks who were drinking tea in the front room. To my surprise they weren't impressed and I was made to throw the thing away, onlythe tail came away in my hand as I did so.

Dead, piss-soaked mouse = treasure, when you're eight
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 15:24, More)

» Hidden Treasure

What lies beneath
New Years eve about 10 years ago I got lucky and was taken home by a young lady who was house sitting her friend's parent's house. We ended up in the parent's bedroom. Next morning we started looking through the bedside drawers, as you do, and found a little pistol. Click click click nothing happened so we thought it was a toy/fake/cigarette lighter,'till we noticed a clip of very real-looking bullets. Thank f&*% there wasn't one left in the chamber, one of us could have blown our heads off.

Further investigation in the wardrobes revealed French Maid's outfits, bondage gear, blow-up dolls, a set of vibrators with various detachable attachments, pornography etc. We also found some "home videos", but sadly couldn't get the VCR to work
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 16:28, More)

» Office Christmas Parties

our price
Working for a record shop some years ago, our christmas bonus was a CD of your choice. You had to pay for the tax on this, so it was taken out of your January wagepacket. Even if you didn't take up the generous offer of the cd, you still had to pay the tax on it
(Mon 20th Dec 2004, 11:15, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Who the hell hid it there
Drystone wall to the pigsty fell down in heavy rain, to reveal a little round tin of durex condoms with 1940's-style lettering. Adolescent curiosity drove me to destroy the tin in order to get at the condoms (having never touched one before).
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 15:28, More)

» Pure Ignorance

blo0dy chavs
Even before chavs evolved, a member of the common ancestry that we share came up to me in a record shop and asked for something by "Jean (as in denim trousers) Mikel Jarrey". I thought well I can either say no, and he'll fuck off, or I can try and work out what the hell he's on about.

I said No
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 13:49, More)
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