b3ta.com user emgee
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here's the deal: 25, female, from new jersey, unemployed masters degree recipient, clevererer than you.


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» Job Interviews

unintentional hilarity
I had a job interview a month ago with a company that runs a preparatory program for American standardized testing. The initial interview was a group interview, during which each person had to give a teaching demonstration on any subject. I was going to do "how to wrap a present," but then they mentioned that topic in the email they sent out the day of the interview, after I had planned it all out. Not wanting to look unoriginal, I chose another topic.

How to make a sock monkey.

For my demonstration, I drew socks on the dry-erase board, and showed where to cut and sew them with dotted lines. Halfway through, I look at what I've drawn, and it remarkably looks like a bunch of willies, complete with dotted pee-lines.

I got the job.
(Mon 24th Jan 2005, 14:23, More)

» I met a weirdo on the interweb

The Hitman
If it weren't for the interweb, I would never have met The Hitman. I met him on a night out with one of my interweb friends- I went to pick up my friend, and he had this other guy with him...

He was wearing a black shirt, black trousers, and a red tie. Had a completely shaved head. He was also wearing leather gloves, and possibly a long coat. Did I mention it was July in New York? Probably about 80 degrees farenheit. He kept muttering about killing people whilst in the backseat of my car, as we drove to the bar. However, we got to chatting that night, and it turned out he was actually rather personable and seemingly clever, so we made plans to hang out more. What followed was a three-week or so friendship, with the following highlights:

-He was constantly insinuating that he was a hitman. He'd get random phone calls in the middle of nights at the pub and have to "leave immediately" for "business." Turned out he was full of it, he confessed to our mutual friend that I made him so nervous he'd have to leave. I guess I'm just that hawt.

-He would take incredibly roundabout routes home, because he swore there were people following us.

-He told me he still had his v-plates at nearly 30. Confirmed by mutual friend.

-He told me he was taken under the wing of a Japanese scholar at some point, and had learned Japanese and some martial arts. When he met my mates who spoke Japanese, he became violent with them instead of just admitting he was a liar who didn't know Japanese. This made an utter mess of my birthday party.

-He drank like a fish, and had a job that required operation of heavy machinery.

-He would constantly point out women who were checking him out/wanted him. They were usually paying him no mind at all.

-He told me he used to deal with a biker gang, and was worried about being recognized. Actually, not.

-At the end of our friendship, he'd put his hand around the front of my neck when trying to make a point, as one would normally touch someone's arm or something. He'd also grab my arm really really hard. That was the end, but of course it couldn't end easily...

-Cue the horrible myspace poetry and the envelope of pictures he'd taken at my party taped to my front door, weeks later. He also left me creepy myspace comments, and his photo was of himself dressed like The Matrix as usual, holding a glass of wine in one hand, sort of raising a toast, and a gun in the other hand.

-Last I heard, he left my friend's house (where he was living and not paying my friend's mom rent, even tho he was supposed to) without warning, leaving only a note that said people were trying to get him, and that he had to leave to spare my friend's family from being in danger.

And there you have The Hitman.
(Wed 22nd Mar 2006, 23:29, More)

» Crappy Prizes

oh, the crap I have won...
I guess I had entered a raffle through Lucky magazine (an American magazine about shopping/fashion- they have loads of giveaways in the back.) I didn't remember entering said contest, and when I received my fabulous prize, I was quite bewildered as to why I would enter to win such an item.

I was the proud owner of an electric hairbrush! It had a gigantic handle, about a foot long, and a round, bristly hairbrush at the top that rotated. It looked vaguely smutty, actually. Being a good sport, I tried it out, and got my hair completely tangled in it. However, it did serve one purpose... my friend's cat was mesmerized by the rotating bristles.

Funnily enough, a few months later, I was contacted by Lucky Magazine and asked to send in a photo of myself with my fantastic winnings, and write about it. I very nearly sent in a photo of myself brushing the cat.
(Thu 4th Aug 2005, 15:52, More)

» My Worst Date

This Charming Man...
First blind internet date. I drive out to New York City, which is about 45 minutes from where I live, and do battle to find free parking. Meet up with the guy, and he's not as cute as his photos. He had planned for us to go to this one bar, but decided that he had changed his mind, or had he?
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know this area, let's just stick to your original plan."
"No, I want to go someplace else, where do you want to go?"
"I said I don't know anything around here!"
We finally duck into some random bar, where he proceeds to get into an argument with the bartender because the drinks are too expensive. I was ready to sink through the floor.
We go on to the next bar, the one he'd originally chosen for us. It was full of punk rocker types, with multicolored mohawks and leather jackets. Now, I can hang with the punks, but apparently he could not.
"These people are all a bunch of fakers," said he.
I went outside for a cigarette (and to escape,) and he followed me out and pestered me for a snog. He got denied, so he went back inside, coming out to check on me periodically while I chain-smoked and chatted to some punk kids about their band.
All of a sudden, he comes FLYING out the front door of the bar with a rather large punk guy on him, fighting. After the scuffle (of undetermined cause) had died down, he was like "let's get out of here."
Amused, and interested in procuring an interesting story to tell the grandkids, I didn't ditch him at that point. We went to some other divey joint, where he proceeded to try to get me to buy 2 rounds of drinks in a row. Classy.
The best part was when I decided to hit the loo. He asked if he could come with me. I said no, I prefer to pee alone. He BEGGED me to let him join me in the ladies', and I insisted he wait outside. Eventually he backed down and waited outside. After I was done, we headed back up the stairs, and he grabbed my bottom with both hands! I spun around and told him off, and said I was going home.
He followed me out of the bar and asked if we could make out. I said absolutely not, and he said:
"You know something? You're a fucking bitch!"
I told him he was right, and stormed off. He insisted on following me to my car, but I was tearing down the street while he lagged behind me. A couple blocks away from my car, I turned around and said "BYE!" and he finally got the message and left.
Worst date ever!
(Mon 25th Oct 2004, 19:35, More)

» Crap meals out

what IS the deal with airline food?
Last summer, I went to visit some friends in San Francisco (I live in New Jersey.) I took an early flight- it left at about 7AM, meaning I had been up since about 4:30 getting ready and getting to the airport. Once we were all settled in the plane, I started to get hungry. At 8:30AM, they came around with our breakfast. I had ordered the vegan meal, as there was no 'vegetarian' option. Everyone around me was tucking in to their egg sandwiches (which I very well would have eaten.) I receive a tray with a tinfoil parcel, accompanied by a small bagel with margarine and jam. The parcel had a familiar smell...


They gave me a curry for breakfast- potatoes, peas, soggy pappadums, the lot. With a bagel and jam, and coffee. Now, I love curry as much as the next girl, but honestly, not at 8:30AM when I hadn't even been drinking the night before.
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 15:36, More)
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