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» Kids

How to catch a Daddy
Songster69 junior recently discovered the joys of hiding. He's played peek-a-boo for years, but now he's learnt how to run upstairs and hide in his sisters' cupboards. Proper hide-and-seek will surely follow as soon as he learns not to giggle whenever we call his name. However, along with learning to hide comes the whole "logic" thing. That is, if he can't see Mummy, or can't see me, then we must be hiding. So whenever I go to work he spends 10 minutes or so disconsolately searching cupboards.

Recently he added another tool to his armory. He knows from his Cinderella DVD what to do if there's a mouse hiding in a hole - wave their favourite food outside and they'll come out to get it. Which is why, last Monday, Mrs songster69 found him heading upstairs yelling for me and waving a can of lager.

In my defence, he knows he's not allowed it and I am, therefore it must be my special favourite.
(Sun 20th Apr 2008, 18:03, More)

» Kids

Etiquette lessons
A discussion with my younger stepdaughter, about how grownups use euphemisms to avoid swearing. I play the part of the Dad in this story, while the other parts are played by my wife and our degenerate brood.

Mum: "Grandad D says 'sh....ugarplumfairies', doesn't he?

Dad: Of course, he means another word beginning with 'sh...'

Elder Sister (age 8): "Yes, he means 'sh...'


Dad: "Yes, he means 'Sh...anghai', doesn't he?"

Elder Sister: "No..."

Dad: "Oh, you mean it's 'Sh...alimar', then?"

Elder Sister: "No..."

Young Cherubic Moppet (age 4): "Sugarplumfucker!"
(Sun 20th Apr 2008, 18:15, More)