b3ta.com user misteroz
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» Beautiful but Bonkers

For some reason...
...most of the girls I go out with seem normal at first, only to eventually end up as frumpy lunatics.

I thought the problem was with me for a while until I remembered that I'm fucking perfect! :-D
(Mon 20th Nov 2006, 14:57, More)

» Secret Santa

I like to give the gift that keeps on giving
(Fri 15th Dec 2006, 11:59, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

When I went out...
...with my cunt of an ex-girlfriend, I made her this nauseating jpg saying something like "Claire is lovely, she has a lovely bum" or some retarded fucking gay shit like that and put it on the desktop as a surprise. She loved it, we laughed, fucked etc...

Anyways, about a fortnight later my computer broke down and so my father and I tried to get it working and to my horror, the thing appeared as our background. Serves me right for being a total pricker I hear you cry - and, you'd be right!

Now, to avoid embarrassment, I maintain a strict policy of neutral desktops, like scenic lakes or double-ended dildo incest porn.
(Mon 13th Feb 2006, 11:01, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

When I were but a lad...
I had the misfortune of starting puberty at about nine, and my best friend reliably informed me that you only grew pubes after having had sex.

I, who had been fooling round with my cousin a few month previously, was shit-scared my parents would find out so I took a pair of scissors to my groin and inadvertantly snipped my nutsack.

Apologies for prolonged use of bathroom and reams of bloodied toilet paper.

UPDATED: For the benefit of DanJ, there was some rubbing of glans on slamhole but no technical penetration.
(Tue 18th Jul 2006, 12:28, More)

» I met a weirdo on the interweb

Master of disguise
I've met a lot of interesting people on the net, albeit whilst pretending to be a teenage girl.

Sadly, 99% of them were other perverted men also pretending to be teenage girls. Still, mantlepieces and fires etc...
(Mon 20th Mar 2006, 15:40, More)
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