b3ta.com user Mick Jagger Ate My Hungry Hungry Hippos
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» My Worst Date

My Worst Date is May the 15th, 2013.
(Sat 23rd Oct 2004, 21:21, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

My mates recently asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
Without thinking how old it would make me sound, I replied "Nah. They're too loud. Can't get any proper conversation going."

They were shocked. I had aged 30 years in about 3 seconds.
(Thu 28th Oct 2004, 17:31, More)

» Out of my depth

My Struggle
Due to various complications at birth, I am completely unable to sing. I got sacked by my ex-school choir, and I regularly get mocked at music college for my lack of vocal talent.

It came as a shock, when at the age of 15, I was asked to audition for the lead role in a school musical. I auditioned, and was surprisingly successful in my endeavours. Sadly, when it came to the performances (which most of the town had come out to watch) I got nervous. My usual sub-par singing voice ended up sounding like mating warthogs - the audience weren't particularly appreciative.

Even to this day, almost 5 years on - I still can't understand why I was picked for the part.

This incident was hugely detrimental to my sex life.
(Thu 21st Oct 2004, 13:47, More)