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Profile for Carling in a Stella glass:
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» Stupid Tourists

Smollensky's
in the strand.
American woman: "can you tell me what exactly Banana Cream Pie is"

Waitress: "what one of the three words are you having a problem with"

waitress was sacked
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 16:19, More)

» The Police

With a mate of mine
pissed and stoned, walking along Wimbledon Parkside (v posh big houses) in the early hours. Elderly William pull up in the panda get out and start the questions, usual name and address and then they get to:
Cop: Where have you been
Mate: Looking up into his skull and counting fingers "Spain, France, Ire....
Cop: NO, TONIGHT YOU FOOL.
We all saw the funny side of it, how we laughed. Cnuts.
(Tue 27th Sep 2005, 17:10, More)

» Fire!

Worried
that her gerbil would get stoned and die (I kid you not)my then gf decided to move his cage to a safe place before we had a party / sit round and get mashed. Hours later munchies were suggested and a mate of mine volunteered to make cheese on toast. I think it was me that first caught the whiff of burning plastic and I can still remember the horrified look on her face as she remembered that she had put Astro's cage on top of the grill. When we got into the kitchen the poor little bugger was clinging to the top of his cage and shaking like a leaf as my very stoned mate, oblivious to the melting plastic tray of the cage proceeded to make toast. My stoned mate and gf got it together about six months after that and some years later are still together. They do not have pets.
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 12:53, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Newport Uni
in the bogs, scrawled across the door in big marker pen. Black Face Black Arse. Underneath in the the neatest handwriting "this is not necessarily so, in my years a a miner I would return from the pit, my face covered in coal dust but on removing my trousers I found that my buttocks were a milky white"
(Fri 4th May 2007, 0:36, More)

» Insults

In Italy...
a bad one between feuding women is something along the lines of "may your sauce never stick to your pasta"
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 23:50, More)
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