» The Dark

Its not funny but it is.
During the 80's our family used to live in london, and one evening during a storm we were hit by a blackout. My father had just transferred to "The department of energy" so knew exactly what to do, instructing us kids to feel our way round the house, switcching off lights and appliances so "When the power came back on, it wouldn't blow the fuse."

The hours passed until it was impossible to see what time it was from the clock on the wall, my sister was in hysterics being afraid of the dark so no one was going to sleep either.

So, tired, bored and with a headache froma screaming sister I decided to amuse myself. I got my colouring book and pens and went to the only light source i could think of I hadn't checked. Opening the fridge door I was amazed by how bright that little bulb could be. settling down on the floor and colouring in my book until my father came in to find me. He didn't even get a whole word out of his mouth before the swearing started and he didn't even pause for breath for about 5 minutes.
Turns out the blackout only lasted a few minutes, but with nothing switched on we couldn't tell.

My dad moved jobs shortly after and went to the department of transport where he signed the form to allow the application of the newbury bypass.
(Sat 25th Jul 2009, 10:53, More)

» Darwin Awards

Sweet sticky death
Many years ago while at college and slightly drunk at a party i decided to play the odd game with some friends. Most involved drinking but the last one I played was to eat a whole jar of the first thing you pull out of the cupboard. My friends got Jam, marmite, pickled onions and I got the peanut butter.

On the shout of go shovelling it in to my mouth with a spoon as fast as I can. Unfortunately fueled on alcohol and barely swallowing before adding more I slowly come to realize I can't breathe. Peanut butter lodged in my throat causing my head to pulse and I black out.

I woke up smelling awful with concerned drunk people all holding bottles and looking like hell. Apparently noticing my distress (Hitting the floor dribbling peanut butter) someone comes to my aid by scooping the goo out of my mouth with his fingers and the using milk as a rinse to clear my throat. Everyone chips in to help with milk being poured in to my mouth until they assumed it was clear and I was breathing normally.

Unfortunately I appeared to stop breathing again so they all huddled in closer to check on me.

That's when peanut buttermilk was projected from my stomach at the speed of sound on to them.

Moral: Never play drinking games which involve food.
(Fri 13th Feb 2009, 19:06, More)