b3ta.com user WrittenBittern
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for WrittenBittern:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Lead Balloon

The Entertainer
Having no office party, a bunch of us (about 50) IT freelance geeks decided to organise our own Christmas party. We booked a nice hotel, and also booked an entertainer who was recommended to us by a different venue (the local footie stadium, who we didn't go with in the end because they didn't do decent beer). He claimed to do both comedy and music. I suppose being recommended by people who deal with football fans should have set alarm bells ringing, but they didn't.

He opened with a routine where he was dressed as an ostrich rider. One of his first gags was "What do you call an Irish lesbian? Gaelic". It got worse from there. He even *looked* a bit like Bernard Manning. Most of the party suddenly took up smoking and moved outside. Those who stayed inside retreated to the bar at the opposite end of the room, leaving him playing to no-one within 50 yards.

After the comedy he did his music - karaoke style stuff. By this time, of course, no-one wanted to go near him. Everyone just huddled by the bar and drank.

Fair play: he did his entire 3 hour set. Stood alone, bravely performing, being a professional, he at least got everyone's respect if not their laughs. It was an absolutely superhuman effort. At the end after everyone had left and I was helping to clear up, he came to me almost in tears. I assured him no-one would post online the many photos/videos they'd taken of him dying, and summoning my best silver-lining mode assured him that he'd made the evening "very memorable" for everyone.

Poor, poor guy.
(Fri 23rd Aug 2013, 21:12, More)

» Bizarre leaps of logic

Usual morning routine, I was getting dressed in the bathroom while my wife was having a shower. Suddenly I felt splashes of water coming over the shower cubicle walls.

Me: "Could you stop splashing me please?"

Her: "I'm not doing anything different to normal"

OK, right. Earth's gravity must have shifted slightly and let the water escape. I'll get onto the GRACE team to check it out…
(Wed 18th Dec 2013, 12:47, More)