b3ta.com user Swirly
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» Hidden Treasure

*Sort* of hidden treasure...
When our next door neigbour's dog died, they did the usual thing and buried it in the garden.

A few months later their new dog decided it would be a good idea to dig up its predecessor and leave the remains on the lawn.

A fitting tribute to a much loved pet...
(Fri 1st Jul 2005, 15:07, More)

» When I met the parents

Not really a girlfriend...
...more of a one night stand but, I'd been out one New Year's Eve and managed to pull a girl that a mate had brought along. With it still being a fair bit before 12 o'clock I hoped to get home (still living with parent - doh!) and see the New Year in "with a bang", so to speak.

Anyway, we crept in quiet as mice and I left her in my room whilst I went for a much needed leak. Upon returning I heard voices and to my horror found my Mother chatting away with her.

The next day my Mother was dead funny and kept saying things like, "it wouldn't have happened if you Father was still alive..."

That made me feel better about the whole incident, I can tell you... :o(
(Thu 19th May 2005, 15:47, More)

» Sacked

Redundancies.....I've had a few....
But getting actually sacked no.

Although I did work in a team once where one of the chaps was sacked for downloading gay anal rape porn. Can't think why.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 13:30, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Schoolboy stuff really...
When I was Uni, Netscape hadn't long been out and allowed users to send email from whatever address they cared to enter. One of my mates spoofed the address of some cabinet minister and sent it to another mate, telling him he was a cunt. The addressee (obviously knowing it was a joke) replied with some rather defamatory remarks thinking it would go back to the chap who sent it. However the return address was the MP's so instead it was delivered back to him.

About a week later there was a reply stating that the email definately did not originate from him and would he like the Police to investigate.

Also sent loads to my mates pretending to be Customs and Excise. I'd state something along the lines of, "we realise that you have illegally been accessing pornography and could be prossecuted under current UK law. However if you wish to contest this in a court of law, please feel free to do so." Most discarded it, but one guy was very upset and eventually got round to telling me all about it. I told him to get back to them and take it to court as the case would never stand up. Needless to say he didn't...

Later I worked for a company where all the computers had the same local admin password. This meant that we could copy files to each copy as we pleased, including placing them in the user's start up directory (so that it ran when they booted.)

I created a simple program that could be remotely controlled to pop up windows messages whenever I wanted. I waited for choice moments, such as just after the systems guys had installed service packs, then would bombard the hapless user with error messges such as "Windows Error! User is a gimp." or "Please stop surfing porn, user may go blind."
(Tue 10th May 2005, 17:21, More)

» Job Interviews

Gimpy man boobs
Whilst in the middle of an office move, me and a mate were quite surprised to be asked to interview a young keen candidate. Because of the move, were we in our old scruffy clothes - me in a "Rehab's for quitters" T-shirt and my mate in a rather too tight T-shirt that showed off his man boobs all too well. (Neither overly fitting attire for an IT consultancy.) Asking if he had anything more suitable he produced an ancient faded pink (supposedly was red) lumberjack shirt. With far too many visions of gay lumberjacks, I think we decided that perhaps the man boob T-shirt was the least offensive.

In the interview my mate (who also has a fixatation with dwarves/gimps/dungeons etc) then proceeded to pepper the conversation with as many inappropriate references as he could to the above, even maintaining that the interview room, "looks rather like a dungeon, doesn't it?"

To her credit she seemed to humour us but we were never asked to interview again...
(Mon 24th Jan 2005, 11:32, More)
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