b3ta.com user jube
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» When animals attack...

the truth about cats and dogs
My mate got out of hospital after surgery. Feeling a bit low, she went to stroke kitty. Kitty was a bastard and took a swipe at her wrist, actually nicking a vein. The vein started to spurt like that butchered knight in Holy Grail. Naturally, this quite freaked my mate at the time. She went to the doctor the next day and had some trouble convincing him she was not having suicidal thoughts after her operation. She still carries the scar on her arm.

Dogs can be a bit evil too, can't they? We went to stay with friends in the country. They had the world's most spoiled chihuahua. It decided my six year old daughter was lower in the pecking order and bailed her up, barking like nuts whenever she left my side. My mate taught her to make herself big and scary by sticking her arms straight up in the air and dancing around like a nutter whenever the evil dog had a go. So, my daughter goes inside to watch telly, and guess what? We hear shouts of "Mum! Mum!" suddenly coming from the house. We run in and there's my little girl standing right up on top of the sofa back, dancing madly and frantically for dear life. That little turd of a dog is just leaping and yapping and going off at her - the bugger had sneaked in the door when we weren't looking to find the poor kid.

Of course, we all pissed ourselves laughing. There's nothing funnier than watching a six year old trying to dance a dog into submission.
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 1:48, More)

» Gyms

my family should be banned from gyms.
I am not a sporty type of person, and i have always been accident prone. However my family are just as bad. My eldest brother twisted his ankle on a tread mill, thus falling off the side. I once jumped onto a tread mill, (and unbeknown to me) the tread mill was still on. I went flying off the end, smashing into a glass window behind me. However my middle brother takes the biscuit. He sat on a gym ball and it exploded under his weight. Everyone stopped to stare at him, and laugh. Poor boy, time for a diet me thinks
(Tue 14th Jul 2009, 0:51, More)