» Black Sheep

My brother in law and my pornstar cousin
My brother in law beat my sister and threatend her with knives. So less a black sheep and more a likely candidate to go missing indefinately if he comes back from Oz!


Oh, and my cousin does solo and girl on girl porn. We just say shes a model.
(Fri 14th Jan 2005, 12:51, More)

» Missing body parts

I personally...
Have had 4 extra teeth out, which not a nice experience. I also have an ingrown toenail which is about 5 times thicker than it needs to be which I sure is due to come off soon.

My father however, has Crohns disease (lower intestines degrading). He had an operation about 2 years ago now, and refused to say what it was for. We do know he had to wear 'manpons' (tampons for men) and he has further informed us they "made the gap between my mouth and my arse that bit shorter".

Charming man my dad.
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 10:47, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Scary Neighbours?
How about the women who lives just across the road? She has 5 dogs, all of which who want to eat me and have bitten me twice. Unfortunately tonight, she calls up the house and says, "Ahhh David, coming over for a quickie?".

Shame thats my dads name....

*runs off to bleach his mind*
(Thu 25th Aug 2005, 19:19, More)

» Shame

Zoran made me think...
I too, at the age of 16 was in love with a girl I knew. She was the same age and I couldn't care for her more. I hated to be away from her, I couldn't be near her without holding her hand, and spending a week in Croatia away from her almost killed me.

Things that still don't make sense to me lead to her splitting up with me, only to continue a pseudo-relationship with her. As I was utterly devoted to her, I stayed loyal to her even as this relationship broke down and she began to see and have sex with other people.

Like the 28 year old prisoner who worked weekends at her garden centre.

Or her 45 year old married diving instructor.

I realised only a year ago how she manipulated everyone around her to think she was the sweetest girl in the world, where she actually led a secret life in which she blackmailed her married lovers and slept with men aplenty.

I'm ashamed of ever having loved such an evil being. And also ashamed that I can never love anyone so much again.
(Thu 1st Dec 2005, 20:46, More)

» Teenage Parties

Oh so many.
I remember a mate of mine back then, Mr Ben L Peachey, got totally munted off a bottle of Bells. This was when we were around 15, and were at a cast party, and we were trying to impress our peers, who were a year or two older.

The poor bastard managed to fall down a narrow flight of stairs and cracked a rib. He did happen to end up with his head between the legs of a girl he liked, saddly, there was a bowl involved, and him vomiting.

The same night, Craig Tucker managed to show how he couldn't drink, getting munted on 3 cans of Stella. He then decided it was too hot, and tried to open a window. Instead of pushing this window up(It was a two part vertical sliding window) he puts his hand on the saftey bar that goes across the middle of the window, presses his wrist against the pane of glass and pushes hard.

He nearly got blood on my shoes and I was about 6-8 feet away. Ended up in A&E needing some glue in his wrist. He then lied and told his parents he only had a can or two.

Countless parties at Tom Wainwrights. I remember snogging a few people, on being a girl named Jess, who afterwards relied on me for two weeks so she didn't try to kill herself...again.

My friend Anna managed to get wasted by 9pm, fall in the pond and was in bed dried up by 10. She woke up at 12, bounced round the house like nothing had happend and went home. She was sad she lost her weed in the pond.

She also lost her weed when my friends Phil and Ian decided to steal it, and replace it with daisys and dandilions. Oh the hilarity.

I once found out never to drink vodka with grapefruit and then neck 2 pints of cider. I ended up chundering so bad, the girl I was trying to impress didn't talk to me for a while.

Also, this summer, some American friends were visiting, and we made a point of getting drunk a lot. The visiting kids were 14-17, with us UK kids being just old enough to buy booze. Most nights were good drunken times, but one night it got a little out of hand. One girl got hold of the Amerula, and drank most of it without us noticing. This would have been ok, except she had never drunk before, and got in a total state. She showed bad signs, and we had to drop her in the loo to vomit.

She puked a bit and passed out, so we put her in the conservatory on an old sofa, covered her with a duvet and left her. 5 minutes later, she was drunkenly squriming on the sofa, with everything covered in puke. Her, her hair, the duvet, the sofa, the floor.

Muggins here had to pick her up, carry her to the loo and get somebody to look after her while I cleaned up the leagues of vomit. The poor girl puked even more in the loo, and I had to carry her back to the sofa. She got to sleep, morning came and the parents of the house weren't happy with the smell, but were at least ok as we handled it. This was the morning the Americans were leaving.

Standing outside the coach, one American mother was chatting to the mother from the party, and comments that the kids had a late night. The lovely English mother comments how "Elise" got totaly drunk and puked everywhere. Oh noes.

This American mother was the mother of the lovely Elise. I think she was grounded for two weeks.

I should stop now.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 11:40, More)