b3ta.com user BigAndyBee
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» Food sabotage

Mrs Thatcher
I rubbed my cock on Mrs T's new spectacles, which I had just made. Not food or tea, but I just need to tell everyone.
My life-long socialist Father cried with pride when I told him.

She wore them for years too
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 10:49, More)

» Airport Stories

Knob-ring fun
Set the Metal detector off, on the way to Miami.
My Daughter started laughing out loud as the Security guy started running the hand held doobry around me.
'My Daddys got a ring in his willy.' came the extra loud, 5-year old voice.
The guy just waved me past.
So, try smuggling your nail clippers in your Japs-eye.
(Tue 7th Mar 2006, 23:49, More)

» Pet Stories

Many years ago I touched my cat's special area
I was sat in our living room watching TV. The rest of my family was doing likewise.
Sam, my childhood pet, now much older came and sat by my chair and rubbed his head against my hand in the universal sign for 'give me attention and I may let you live.'
So, still watching the TV I began to rub his head and back. Clearly meeting with feline smoothing criteria Sam rolledd over and let me rub his belly.
I must stress that I was watching TV, and only idly playing with the cat,honest.
After a minute I realised that Sam had a lump on his belly. Thinking that it must be cat cancer I quickly looked over to have a look.
Sam was lying on his back, legs spread wide, enjoying a nice little hand-job.
This was in full view of my Folks too.

(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 20:21, More)

» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

more detail on my Mrs Thatcher story
I once rubbed my belly banana all over Mrs T's new spectacles before packaging t5hem up and posting to her Opticians. When I posted this story first, some months back, a request was made for more info.

My Friend Steve was the owner of an Opticians in the general area of Kensington. I was the National Sales Manager of a large Spectacle lens supplier. For obvious reasons I can't be more specific.
Steve told me how The Evil old hag had persuaded him to open late for her to visit for test and new specs. He bitched that this meant he didn't get home to Swindon until stupid o'clock, and the value of specs was not sufficient to cover his costs in staffing the place for the extra 2 hours.

Upon reciept of the frames, just before the cut lenses were fitted into them, in front of the glazing dept I rubbed my pride and joy all over they would be cleaned special attention was paid to the area on the inside of the rim which the fitted lens would cover and prevent from de-smegging.

Steve giggled upon telling the tale, and it has been worth a pint or two over the years.

length? its more of a grower than a shower.
(Tue 17th Mar 2009, 18:32, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

My Mate Kris
was at a pub, and saw Princess Annes daughter, the 'punky' one. She tried to push by with the usual 'don't you know who I am' bollocks.
He replied 'Yes.' and poured his pint over her. It was not all bad news though, he bought another pint shortly.
(Thu 3rd Aug 2006, 20:16, More)
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