b3ta.com user TheKidsOffTheShining
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» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Not me, but...
My grandad fought in World War 2. He and his battallion or whatever were out in France. They were all lined up for the commanding officer who walked up and down the line, picked out my Grandad and another man, gave them one machine gun and said,

"Right, you two take that and hold off the Germans while we retreat."

The Germans didn't come that day. Lucky really, 'cos my Dad hadn't been born by then!

Great Grandad was at the Battle of Jutland in WW1. His ship got torpedoed, which made its gears jam. It ended up enscribing three complete circles in front of the entire German fleet. And receiving 13 more torpedo hits for its trouble. It somehow stayed afloat and was taken back to England to be refitted. Cue some shore leave for the men and nine months later, my Nan was born!
(Fri 24th Mar 2006, 18:19, More)

» Shame

bumpy bus
I'd been for a night out in Manchester. Awoke on a friend's sofa with a truly horrible hangover and knowing that I had to get back home. But there were no trains.

Had to get a rail-replacement bus instead, so managed to get a pint of milk and a small amount of fries down my gullet. I thought it would stop the stomach churning. It didn't.

I managed to keep it down for a full hour, m'lud, but on the last 30 seconds of the journey, as we pulled into train station carpark, we hit a bump and it came up. My hands were covering my mouth, and only a bit came out. And then it happened again and the sick ended up on my face, hands, clothes and the seat in front of me. I got up and tried to run off the bus. I was sick again. Got off the bus and to the corner of road. I then threw up again, to the visible horror of woman-with-baby and so I decided to run for the Underground, vomitting all the way. It was like I was being chased by it. It was 9am and I smelt and looked like an alcoholic.
(Mon 28th Nov 2005, 23:48, More)

» Urban Legends

purple aki!
Oh my God, you've just dredged up the weird half-remembered half-memory.

Whereabouts in Merseyside did you encounter this? I was a schoolkid in Crosby a fair few years ago, and that's where I heard it.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 19:32, More)

» Shame

Funeral Evasion
A few years ago, my Great Uncle died. I was very sad as I had liked him a great deal and he was my (deceased) grandmother's last surviving sibling.

Did I go to the funeral to celebrate his life and grieve with his relatives?

No. I went to the Big Smoke to visit a girl in order to have sex.
(Tue 29th Nov 2005, 0:04, More)