b3ta.com user Kimbo
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Recent front page messages:


(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 13:44, More)

"This Roman commission is going to be great for business! We've got nothing to lose!
Let he who hath committed no sins cast the first goatse!
"I hate you, Dad!"
(Wed 21st Jan 2004, 22:27, More)

Kitty realized he didn't have his parachute on
just a moment too late
Clicky for biggiiieeeeee

Don't worry, he lands on his feet and walks away
(Thu 3rd Apr 2003, 3:53, More)

I guess
I'm in a mindfuck sort of mood today

(Mon 24th Mar 2003, 15:21, More)

Were he not living in the shadow of his master
Elvis' cat would have become famous himself
Thank yuh. Thank yuh very much!
Be kind I just spent an hour making this
(Sun 23rd Mar 2003, 12:52, More)

Saddam you evil bastard!
You promised us no more kitten bombs!
He'll totally flip out and cuddle you to death!
(Sat 22nd Mar 2003, 14:14, More)

Wasn't sure what to do for my last one before bed
so I made an anim of my rat watching TV

(Sat 15th Mar 2003, 13:05, More)

Tiffles always loved showing off
his spectacular physique to the "lesser" kittens

Click for manly biggie you girlie-men
(Fri 21st Feb 2003, 9:58, More)

Even long after the plastic surgery to normalize her "misshapen" nose...
Ginger still remained traumatized

Click for biggie, but you still won't see it

Belive it or not, this is actually the FIFTH in my unintended tragic-dog nose series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
(Tue 18th Feb 2003, 9:13, More)

Being driven insane by the constant wagging...

Betsy eventually chased her nose into oncoming traffic
(Mon 17th Feb 2003, 12:01, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Missing body parts

At the age of 13
my doctor decided it was time for me to have a circumcision for some stupid reason. I won't go too far into the gory details of it, but I can tell you that a circumcision is no time to discover that you have an abnormally high tolerance to local anesthetics, and I don't think I've been able to scream quite so loud since then.
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 10:38, More)

» Shit Stories

You ever make a bet with your colon?
After consuming far too much pizza and donuts during a party, I was faced with the fact I had to poo. Not the good kind that is as patient as you'd like to be; this was the kind of poo that reminds you of the screaming child in the toy store who can't wait until their birthday for a particular toy. The pizza parlor I had walked out of locked the doors behind me, and the rest of the stores in the center were closed for the night as well. I wasn't familiar with the area either, so I bet myself that the 20 minute drive home would be far quicker than driving around blindly looking for a public toilet.

My poo started throwing a tantrum about halfway home. Every pothole I hit was like the wails of my large, smelly child. The cramps were horrendous, and the squeal of every fart seemed like a pump priming itself. A PUMP OF POO!

I had to do a small dance in my car seat to deal with the pain of the impending shitstorm, and raced home ever faster as the pressure built. I tore into my apartment's parking lot and did a horrible parking job in the rush. I didn't care, because realized I was just minutes away from my toilet, but just a few seconds from a colonic disaster. I did a half jog to my room, because walking was too slow and running jarred my intestines too much. The caca countdown began. At 5 I was at my door. 4 saw me with my keys in the lock. 3 had me tearing through the living area to my bedroom door. At 2 I was in my bathroom with my pants around my ankles, and I was fumbling with my underwear. The Brown Bomb went off early, just as I was hovering over my toilet seat.

The first wave hit my undies and jeans, but luckily missed the bathroom rug. I spent a good ten minutes finishing up my dirty work before I was satisfied, and spent an additional 15 trying to get the shit out of my jeans. I simply tossed my tighty not-so-whities into the garbage. The moral of the story? Shit happens.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 11:19, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

I was telling my stepmother about an episode of South Park I had just seen
where Cartman sits on the lap of a woman with Parkinson's like she's a vibrating chair, when her father had died of the same disease. I don't mind too much, though, because she's a hateful gold digging bitch.
(Tue 20th Apr 2004, 22:43, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

I like reading more adult-oriented comic books
I read "The Maxx" recently and cried towards the end of it when all the characters start to go away
(Wed 20th Apr 2005, 22:03, More)

» Have you ever started a fire?

I was quite the pyromaniac when I was a youngin
I enjoyed setting all types of things on fire, ranging from paper to cups full of lighter fluid. I even used a magnifying glass to beat back invading ants and dead leaves. I was usually pretty safe about it, too. I would always do it on the cement in my back yard and have my hose at the ready in case something went wrong. I had never been caught in the act, so as my confidence grew, so did my recklessness.

One night I got tired of watching TV, and it was too dark outside to start a fire out there, so I instead decided to take my act into the comfort of my room. I figured I would go small to reduce the risk of being caught. I grabbed a handful of old class notes and lit them with a novelty lighter I got from Germany. I held the paper so the flames would slowly creep up the paper until I put it out.

When the heat was starting to become too much for me to bear, I started blowing on the paper to put out the ever-growing flames. Unfortunately, the fire was too big at that point to be put out so easily. I continued blowing in a panic, and quickly had to toss the burning the papers into a plastic storage bin to get rid of it. The heat was great enough at that point so that the plastic bin itself started to melt and burn, filling my room with thick black smoke.

I hurriedly put the lid back on the bin to extinguish the flames. It worked, but my room was still full of smoke. I turned on the ceiling fan to its highest setting and opened my window. I had to practically run out of my room to escape the choking smell. I went back to my regiment of watching TV downstairs and forgot about the whole situation, until a few minutes later I heard my sister call my name by my door and suddenly scream at the top of her lungs.

She had opened my door before all of the smoke had filtered out and assumed my room was on fire. Her scream brought my mother out of her room as well, and the smoke that escaped from my room set off the fire alarm that nobody knew how to shut off. The punishment I received was enough for me to leave fire alone from the on.
(Thu 4th Mar 2004, 20:28, More)
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