» Why I was late

Sadly this isn't really funny...
When I was a teenager, I had this part time weekend job in somerfield. For some insane reason I ended up as the weekend supervisor for the deli counter.
One weekend I thought I was due to start at mid day, so I stayed up late and got totally wankered. On reaching my bedroom at 3am I suddenly remembered I was actually supposed to be starting at 8am.

Whoops!

So anyway I set the alarm clock for 7am hoping I might actually hear it.

I did, but switched it right off in a halfdrunken haze.
I eventually woke up at 10am and rang work saying 'Sorry I'm not there I ...slightly overslept'
'Slightly??' says the boss.
'I'll be there in 30 mins' says I.
'Don't bother we got Maggie to cover it, see you next week!'
Result, I got a free day off, and they forgot to dock my pay too :D
(Mon 2nd Jul 2007, 0:57, More)

» Conversation Killers

Spunky!
For 6 months of my life, I lived in Somerset, due to a last ditch attempt by my parents to save their marriage (it failed and we moved back to Dorset)
While there I had to go to Ansford school, which was okay..anyway getting sidetracked, sorry!
One day in a science class (they did combined science there, very confusing when you'd had 3 years of biology/chemistry/physics as seperate classes) we were doing some group work. I was grouped with 2 others, one called Jason, the other called Keith (I think, could have been Kevin or something..began with a K anyway) and we were talking about girls and sex, as 14yr olds are wont to do..when for some odd reason Keith pipes up "I wonder what colour a black mans spunk is?"

Every conversation in the class stopped dead. Every single one.
Then everyone laughed at Keith. Poor chap.
(Thu 12th May 2011, 22:17, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My Great Aunt
She was adamant that the correct way to drive a car was down the line in the middle of the road. At 70mph.
I only once got a lift with her...never again.

She eventually gave up driving when, having arrived home, she decided to park up by her house. Instead she drove THROUGH her garden wall and into the garden, totalling the car in the process.
Every other driver breathed a sigh of relief that day...

Sorry it's not really all that funny.
(Thu 5th Jul 2007, 16:42, More)

» Bodge Jobs

My last motorbike....
The glass in the speedometer had shattered, so I placed the plastic lid from some 'Johnsons cotton buds' over it, and wrapped electrical tape around it. Job done, and lasted 2 years before I finally fixed it properly prior to selling the bike.
The same bike also had a piece of wiring from the AC lead of a kettle in the ignition system for almost the same length of time, due to the original wire splitting. This too was fixed properly due to being sold.
The current bike is well on it's way to being called a 'rat' bike, it was a cheap £400 from ebay that needed work..and all the work so far has been bodges. Mechanically sound, but it looks like a heap of shite. The only new parts were the handlebars (existing ones were bent due to an accident, which was why I got it so cheaply :P) and a new battery (the old one died last week due to the cold)
Actually with the new battery it's running better than at any point since I have owned it..so the old one had obviously been under par for some time!
I've finally sourced a side panel to cover the side that's been missing one since I got it too...alas a different colour, I think I'll just spray it black and do the same with the existing one to make them match...
(Thu 10th Mar 2011, 20:56, More)

» Kids

GAYSAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!
My youngest son Niko (2yrs old) likes to 'help' me play on my computer. While Counterstrike Source is hardly 2yr old Material, he loves to push the walk forward key while I do the shooting :o
Just this evening he pointed to the PC and said 'Gaysauce!'

He's actually saying "Game!, Source!" as he can't say 'counterstrike' yet, but he can say 'source.

I think I'll limit him to minesweeper...
(Mon 21st Apr 2008, 23:57, More)