b3ta.com user Robot.
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» Urban Legends

I once managed to
convince a friend that bears lay eggs, and that they look a lot like coconuts.
That is all.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 19:07, More)

» Near Death Experiences

I work for a particular supermarket chain
one where the customers think they a slightly better than your average Joe public. Anyway my duties include unloading the delivery lorries that turn up regularly throughout the day, the loading yard also happens to be situated under a multi storey car park. On this particular day it seems some of our town's more helpful chavs wanted to assist in the returning of one of our beloved shopping trollies... By hurling it from the top floor of the multi storey. As i stood there pressing the down button for the scissor lift i turned just in time to see the trolley land roughly half a metre away from me. After the twisted metal remains settled i looked to the sky for an answer. I saw the burberry becapped heads of what i can only assume were, in my bosses words "the little bastards responsible".
I then proceeded to crap myself. Non literally.

Still they didn't get their pound back.
(Tue 30th Nov 2004, 18:27, More)

» The Police

Not worth the effort.
On my 18th birthday a good friend of mine gave me a present that we both found hilarious; a street sign that originally read "Essex Road" but someone had gone over the first two letters with white paint. I didn't ask how he got it.

Walking home from my party, pissed up and struggling to carrying my road sign (which happens to be a large plank of wood with a ridiculously heavy piece of metal screwed onto it) i'm stopped by a police car pulling up to me. One of the two coppers inside sarcastically asked me if "I work for the council?" and "Is that the essex road sign for the street near here?". Drunk and confused I just blurted out "Nah it's okay, it's my birthday today. I live on sex road" then started giggling. After deliberating for a moment they let me go, the looks on their faces telling me I was too much of a loser to bother arresting. I still have the sign in my room.
(Sat 24th Sep 2005, 1:11, More)