b3ta.com user McPhisto
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» Losing Your Virginity

Do You Need a Diagram?
Not what you first think peeps honest.

19yo, away from my beloved Edinburgh in a dark and dingy place called Walsall. Was working for a company down there and all the boys decided we'd go for a few bevvies. Got in tow with this gorgeous (and I mean stunning!) woman. Was stayin in a Holiday Inn/Travel Lodge type place. After the initial meet, we decided to meet the next night. She asked to come back to mine (I'm not Mr Travel Lodge but ok). Thing was I was sharing with another bloke. Gets to reception (had already been there a week). "Em, can I have a room for the night pls?" with said hunny behind me. Bloke behind the reception says "But you already have a room". Please see subject for my next sentence!
The actual act was phenomemal! She was 31, and an aerobics instructor!!! God I got my education on that trip!!! Weirdly, she claimed her ex was one of the guitarists from strange 80's band King? If you're out there and reading this Jane Owen, then I have alot to thank you for!!

No apologies for length or girth cause she luvved it!!!
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 10:22, More)

» Crap Gadgets

Video Schmideo
Currently I work from home (saving much spondoolies) and so therefore have a work laptop and a home desktop PC. Few months ago, I wanted to get a KVM switch. So did so, hooked it all up and saw that the video resolution for my laptop was crap, desktop was fine. Anyway, returned the cable and was told it was something to do with signals and what not, so decided to get another one (about 60 quid!!) that had DVI connections on it.
Got it home, hooked up the desktop with one DVI, and then went to the laptop to connect the other. Mmmmmmmmm no DVI on the laptop.....DOH!
(Mon 3rd Oct 2011, 14:40, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

Right Now.......
I have a crush on the girl who sits opposite me at the next set of desks in my new workplace of 5 months.

Trouble is, I really do think she wants it but I'm due to be getting married in about 4 weeks...........now thats inappropriate!!!!
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 11:44, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

Disney Club
Was in about 2nd year at school and our class was picked (for some unknown reason) to appear on the first ever Disney Club show (was shown on Sunday mornings). All I can remember about the presenters was the bird was Stan Boardman's daughter (Andrea Boardman - now diappeared from life never mind telly).
Anyhoo, they wanted to film the last shots for the show and they needed someone to act like a barman (polishing glasses) behind a bar type prop thing. Can't remember if I volunteered or not, but it was me anyway.

Anyhoo, I was to do this while 80's liverpudlian songstress (I use the term loosely) Sonia was miming along to her newly released ditty.

Anyway, good old Scottish Television had installed false floors. This is important. So, there I am, all cheesey grins behind this fake bar. Now this bar had a set of shelves behind it (also behind me), which they had placed sets of stacked glasses. So, off Sonia goes with the bass of her song rattling everything and everyone within a 3 mile radius (as I said, false floors). Needless to say I'm polishing away happily while watching the ginger dwarf do her thang when all the glasses behind me start to fall off the shelves due to the vibration and smash on the floor behind me. I look desperately at the floor manager who has a look on his face that basically says I don't give a monkeys chuff if you look like a moron and carries on filming.

Needless to say it was all caught on the tape and I looked a complete twat! Worst of it was too was my whole class blamed me for it, asking "Why did you throw (!!) all those glasses on floor? That was pretty bad on Sonia like!"


Mentally scarred for life and hate Sonia, but who doesn't/didn't! No apologies for length or girth because apparently it doesn't matter! ;)
(Thu 11th Nov 2004, 13:58, More)

» Dentists

....I also have an appointment at 4.40 today, and what do you know, my back molar has started playing up. AND I bugger off to Spain for a week tomorrow which is all pointing to something nasty or/and disappointing!!
(Fri 3rd Nov 2006, 13:08, More)
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