» Jobsworths

Security
at the British motorcycle gp at Donnington.
Last year i could no attend so i went on the friday just to pick up a race program. The bloke in the wally coat(yellow jacket) told me "i need to pay £20 quid to enter", i replied "i only need a program from that counter just there (just yards away)not to watch the racing". he still insisted i need to pay £20 quid to enter,"but i dont want to watch ive come to collect a program you can escort me" "no, cant" so "i said i will give you the money to walk over there to purchase me one", he replied, "it's more than my jobs worth" after i ranted at him, another bloke in a wally coat came over and helped my get the program, on the way out out i told him, "if he tried harder at school he might have got a better job, and did your cousins get married". This proceeded to get him angry he came over (just has planned) to me as my brother walked up behind him and crouched over, so i then pushed him over and we both legged it.
Take that you wally.

Its not about lenght, its the width
(Thu 12th May 2005, 11:49, More)

» Pure Ignorance

chickens
Many years ago when i worked for sainsbury, i had just finished filling 7 meters of cabinets 3 deep with chickens and i had this old dear come and ask me where the chickens were.
Also i had another women ask me what was the difference with the French and English chickens, so i said that the French ones went Le cluck, she was not amuzed.


Nothing to do with supermarkets and chickens, but my g/friends mate is a school teacher and could not bring herself to tell the children that Jesus was nailed to a cross, so instead she told them they all live happerly ever after.
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 9:53, More)

» Weird Traditions

shrove tuesday tradition
Every year i stock up with bandges and plasters ready to take part in the Atherstone ball game
Every Pancake Day, windows in Atherstone are boarded up and shoppers dive for cover. Why? It's time for the famous ball game
Hundreds of people gathering to knock seven bells out of one another in an attempt to grab hold of a heavy leather ball - and run the risk of being dismembered in the process.
A complete free-for-all played along the main street of Atherstone town. The ball is decorated with red, white and blue ribbons and is filled with water to make it too heavy to kick far. The match starts at 3pm when the ball is thrown from a window of the Three Tuns Inn and continues until about 5pm. However the ball may legitimately be deflated or hidden after 4.30pm. There are no teams and no goals, though in the last century the match was played between a team from Warwickshire and one from Leicestershire! Whoever is able to hang onto the ball at the end of the game not only wins the game but is allowed to keep the ball as well
This traditional Shrove Tuesday 'ball game' has been held annually since the early 12th Century and is one of Atherstone's claims to fame. The origin of the game, in the reign of King John, is thought to have been a "Match of Gold that was played between the Warwickshire Lads and the Leicestershire Lads on Shrove Tuesday".
The 'ball' used is specially made each year by Gilbert of Rugby, who are world famous for their rugby balls.
It is 27 inches in diameter and weighs four pounds.
(Mon 1st Aug 2005, 21:56, More)

» Petty Sabotage

sacked
I worked for a job agency and they sacked me one morning when my lift didnt turn up.
so please call 02476345888 at various times at the night for me
(Thu 5th May 2005, 12:11, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Noisey neigbours
When in my old student house with my mates, we could hear him watching porn at all hours, and the noisey yelps she made while they were shagging in the room next door to mine. They soon stopped being noisey when every they shagged i would turn up loud a recording of the birdy song and keep it on loop until they had fininshed. they soon stopped.
Although i was told they started noisey shagging one afternoon while the police where at our house for something.
They also broke into out house and stole an X box, but why didnt they take the controllers next to it? daft shits.
They left the house in the end without paying rent and leaving a mattrrss on fire in the living room. Oh great days.
(Sat 27th Aug 2005, 20:37, More)