» Little things that turn you on

Norks
bazookas
bazoomies
berthas
McDuffs
blouse bunnies
boobs
boobies
bosom
boulders
brace and bits
breasts
bristols
bubbies
bubs
buds
buffers
busts
cantaloupes
chubbies
coconuts
Dolly Partons
dugs
dumplings
fun cushions
globes
grapefruits
headlights
hooters
hummers
jugs
knockers
mammaries
melons
milk wagons
muffins
norks
racks
ski slopes
thr’penny bits
tits
titties
twin mounds
top bullocks
tweeters
twin peaks
udders
woofers
(Fri 18th Feb 2005, 12:32, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Ahh
For a couple of months (when I was a student) we sprayed weed killer over the fence. The neighbour was a Victor Meldrew type with an immaculate lawn.

He never caught us despite his curtain twitching.
(Thu 5th May 2005, 16:37, More)

» I'm an expert

I am very good at
writing absolute shite on messageboards. I can go on and on and never make any useful comment. It is a skill that I am very proud of and I hope one day to be able to use it in a professional manner within a company who will pay me vast amounts of money just to sit there typing shite all day and all night. Nothing would make me happier than to be recognised for the expert that I am in this very difficult area.

etc. etc.
(Thu 23rd Jun 2005, 17:00, More)

» Claims to Fame

A few years ago
I shook the hand of a man who had previously used it to fondle Marilyn Monroe.

Er... That is I got to shake hands with Arthur Miller (RIP) when he visited our school to talk about PEN international.

I should have asked him some really intelligent question about his work, but I just couldn't stop thinking about what that hand might have done.
(Thu 24th Feb 2005, 17:39, More)