b3ta.com user Krusty the Klown
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» Pure Ignorance

Whilst on holiday in France....
...my family and I stopped at a bar for some lunch. We place our order and are just getting seated when another English couple and friends walk in. Loud Londoners who think that they know all. So one of the blokes goes up to the bar and starts to order drinks with no attempt at speaking French. So waitress replies with no attempt at speaking English (even though we knew that she could). As I remember, the conversation went thus...

Bloke - "We'll have two Cokes"
Waitress - "Oui"
Bloke - "and a white coffee"
Waitress - "Oui. Cafe au lait"
Bloke (looking slightly anxious at use of French) - "and a brandy"
Waitress - "un cognac"
Bloke - "no, a brandy"
Waitress - "Oui, un cognac"
Bloke - "no, a b-r-a-n-d-y"
Waitress - "ah, oui. Brandy" (obviously had enough of taking piss out of shameful excuse for an Englishman)

Was very hard not to laugh at this little exchange!!
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 21:54, More)

» Unexpected Good Fortune

Money money money
How's this for a little good fortune!

Was rootling about on my dressing table this morning, and stumbled across three lovely £20 notes. I have absolutely no recollection of putting them there myself, or of anyone having given them to me.

The money fairy must have dropped them last night, she ain't having them back!

Also, I am reminded now of an event that I tried to push to the back of my mind a long time ago. I was driving through the back and beyond of Salisbury, pottering along at about 50-60mph. Suddenly realised that the road along which I was pottering was about to come to an end (all signs warning of a junction had been completely obscured by trees). Cue me stomping on brakes, shutting eyes and skidding to a halt on after the junction....on the wrong side of the road. Here comes the incredible luck - I had stopped in exactly the direction that I wanted to be going (albeit on the wrong side of the road), and there wasn't another car to be seen anywhere. So I took a deep breath, and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. Someone was smiling on me that day.

Absolutely no apologies for length - I enjoy telling a story!
(Tue 19th Sep 2006, 16:51, More)

» Near Death Experiences

Another "not me, but a friend" story...
I drive a classic Mini, and belong to a club of like-minded classic Mini drivers. During the summer months we potter about the country on the weekends visiting various Mini-shows.

On this one occasion, we had packed up our tents and were on our way back home. As we were belting up the dual-carriageway, some of the guys in the front of our little Mini convoy decided to pull over....whilst I and afore-mentioned friend were in the fast lane, trying to overtake an articulated lorry. My friend noticed that everyone else had pulled over and decided to do the daftest thing I have ever seen...which was to pull DIRECTLY in front of the artic so that he could join them. There couldn't have been more than a few inches between his back bumper & the artic's front. Cue lots of beeping horns & panic on my part. So it was near death for him, his passenger & the Mini! I almost crapped myself, carried on past the lorry & friends, and pulled over on the nearest slip road shaking like a leaf! Where I promptly burst into tears!

My friend no longer plays with articulated lorries. Though I think that seeing me in such a state after frightened me more than pulling the stunt that he did!

Should I apologise for length? Probably...!
(Wed 1st Dec 2004, 22:21, More)

» You're a moviestar baby

The Brittas Empire
...anyone remember that!! Chris Barrie as an annoying leisure centre manager & the hilarity that ensued? Well, the leisure centre at which the series was filmed was right next to my school (Whitby New Town is in fact Ringwood in Hampshire). In a few episodes with outside shots of the front of the centre, you can see one of the playground fences...and a lot of little black silhouettes against the fence. I'm in at least one of them, though you'd never be able to tell!

Ah...those were the days...watching Chris Barrie sprint to his trailer, being pursued by one of the world's biggest Red Dwarf fans...!!!

(be nice - this is my first post!)
(Tue 16th Nov 2004, 20:56, More)