b3ta.com user symmetrycat
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» Petty Sabotage

not so petty really
i used to know a guy who worked in the cloakrooms of a nightclub. unbeknown to the discodancer who proudly staggered out with a new mate on thier arm, theo had spent the night finding condoms in folks wallets and piercing them with a safety pin.
(Sun 8th May 2005, 12:54, More)

» When I met the parents

i met my other half's parents early in life. ahh, the joy of being a siameese twin...
(Sat 21st May 2005, 17:16, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

try it yourselves later!
i love it when folk get new watches or mobile phones, and the screens or faces or whatever have that nice elasticy placstic stuff on them. i peel it off, under the pretence of being helpful and subtley hide it in my pocket for later consumption. there's nothing that makes me happier than eating it later on, you can chew it for hours...
(Tue 12th Apr 2005, 11:08, More)

» Childhood bad taste

well, it's christmas again...
spent most of my third christmas shouting bastard at my dad in very posh restraunt in edinburgh. i think i might have picked it up from my mum.
(Wed 15th Dec 2004, 11:59, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

my gran's funeral was a number of years ago. she died in the middle of summer which made the day less bleak than it could have been. except that my cousin is scared of all insects, and there were four butterflies in the crematorium. after a while, Bec, white faced and in tears, although i'm not sure if they were tears of emotion or butterfly terror, has had enough. she legs it up the aisle and out the door we'd come in, as opposed to the signposted exit, straight into the next coffin that was waiting to come in. i'd love to say that the body fell out or something but i think she was scared enough already, poor lamb.
but jesus, who's scared of butterflies.
(Wed 17th May 2006, 12:39, More)
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