b3ta.com user Calmallama
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by who? i don't care, perhaps God might do it, although he probably has better things to do. Maybe Jesus, i mean being dead an all, what does he actually do now? anyway maybe i'll beat them to it and update it

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» Crap meals out

worst ever meal out
was in france(not surprisingly)
while travelling down the motorway on a family trip, we decided to stop at this little pizza place in a small french village, as mcdonalds was getting pretty boring (i was at that age when mcdonalds was pretty much the food of gods, but it was still possible to have enough of it)
pizza place looked pretty nice, so went inside ordered pizzas and out they came
mine was pretty decent actually, got about a quarter of the way through before suddenly hearing a loud crunch, and a very odd look on my dads face
next seconds he spits out a lump of glass
turns out on closer inspection that his pizza was actually covered in little shards of glass pretty nicely covered by the cheese
after about 30 minutes a loud shouting, and threatening to call the police, we were actually the ones thrown out by two hefty chefs, for apparently trying to get a free meal by faking eating glass
bastard french
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 15:53, More)

» Birthdays

spent my 17th birthday
in a childrens ward having a hole drilled into my ankle in the morning

spent the rest of the day being high on morphine, which caused me to be terrified of some hideous spiky and multicoloured monster at the end of my bed.
Turned out it was just a basket of fruit with a pineapple at the peak but it was terrifying at the time.
(Tue 13th Dec 2005, 17:00, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

lieing about my leg
i love to everyso often just randomly say "ooo my leg hurts" and walk out of a classroom. Although the stupid thing is my legs fake, yet they still continue to believe that its in pain....and the fact i walk out is a bit of obvious clue i'm lieing as well
really probably shouldn't do it, probably giving amputees a bad reputation
(Wed 27th Apr 2005, 20:54, More)

» Airport Stories

Fake leg
Bleeps every time
One time they in fact made me take it off and sit on the floor, until they could run it through the x-ray machine, and some idiot decided that the pole down the middle was obviously something very dangerous and wasen't allowed on the flight

luckily someone with sense came along and let me and my leg on the flight

although when i got on the plane they played Keane music over and over, depressing the entire plane crew into swearing and declining to give out food, so maybe it wasen't such a good thing i got on
(Mon 6th Mar 2006, 2:52, More)

» Weird Traditions

two ducks
i live on this stupid little island in the middle of nowhere with millions of stupid little traditions. Probably the most random one is, if ever the queen comes over, she has to be presented with two dead stuffed ducks on a plate.

Haven't got a clue where the tradition came from but its bloody funny seeing her face when they give the plate to her, and then she even has to carry it for a while looking bemused and a little scared at these two brown oddly happy looking ducks staring back at her.

They probably just end up as corgy food when she gets home anyway
(Sat 30th Jul 2005, 13:17, More)
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