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» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Desperate
In the summer holidays from uni a few (more than i would like) years ago my dad left for work telling me that there was a man coming to the house to survey the roof so he could estimate a cost for retiling, etc.

He said that I wasn't to fall back to sleep or listen to loud music and that i should be viligantly listening for the tell tale doorbell sound that accompanies aforementioned roofer being at the front door - patronising twunt.

Anyways during that mornings bath and whilst washing my hair (lots of it at this point - student after all) i swore i heard the distant echo of the doorbell.

So I ran out of the bathroom grabbed an unfathomably small towel from the radiator and ran to the front door. No-one there.

Only a man walking away from the house and down the road. In a panic and thinking i would be in trouble with my dad i shouted down the road at the man
'OI!'
'HELLO?!'
'DO YOU WANT ME?'...
'DO YOU WANT ME?!'...

Of course he was just a member of her majestys public walking happily down the road nothing to do with our roof!

The expression on the mans face as he turned around to see a soapy wet naked man, covering himself with only a flannel asking him if he wanted him will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I should probably be on a list at the Daily Mail.
(Wed 23rd Aug 2006, 14:48, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

Do you remember
the old advice you got about 'not talking to strangers'

...well...

i spoke to a stranger once and got ritualistically b*ggered by a paedophile ring, thank goodness the interweb hadn't been found in those days, otherwise my humiliation could have ended up amusing Gary Glitters the world over.

You know what they say - your parents DO know best.
(Mon 8th May 2006, 18:07, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

not quite on topic...
...but does this feel a bit like a geeky version of the letters page of Escort or Mayfair?

honest mum i don't know who's those magazines are hiding behind the cupboard>blushes<
(Thu 2nd Feb 2006, 14:25, More)

» The Police

i once knew a pc, and he was a complete cunt
the only copper i've ever known i inadvertently ended up sharing a house with.

i had just got a job in the big smoke and was looking for a flat so i sent an email around work asking if anyone knew of a room close to work to rent. One of the girls in the studio replied that her brother was looking for a flatmate...she seemed nice and after an inspection of the room accompanied by her (her brother was out - 'he does shiftwork' - i know i know i should have asked).

i decided i would move in.

i moved out a week later.

all you need to know is that he referred to anyone other than white, straight, middle class, able bodied people as 'them'...and he used to polish his police boots for four hours every night

apparantly he's suspended at the moment for attacking a 19yr old girl in the back of his police car.

nice
(Wed 28th Sep 2005, 13:00, More)