b3ta.com user Pfffwwttt...
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» The last thing that made me cry

Very boring management training course
(Prince2 if any of you have similarly suffered). Our instructor was a serious South African woman who had a piercing laugh which sounded like Dr Evil from Austin Powers. She used to laugh quite unexpectedly. My mind was numb on day 2. When it's numb, it tends to wander. The guy sitting next to me put his little finger in the corner of his mouth just like Dr Evil when she laughed. I corpsed. I laughed so hard that I to stagger from the room with tears rolling down my face. Outside, it wasn't so funny. Tragically, it was funny again once I re-entered the room and I had to leave again. I thought my chest was going to implode. It must be like drowning! Neee-haarr-harrr-harrr!!
(Tue 19th Apr 2005, 11:35, More)

» I'm an expert

Singularly failing to anticipate my wife's mood swings
Despite ten years of marriage and a few sporadic years before that. I never see them coming. I never understand why it's all my fault. And I still don't want to hit her back when she slaps me across the face because (a) it would be wrong and (b) that would only be valid if I understood what caused it. And I don't. If only it wasn't for the kids and this crippling mortgage....... And I own a Rover that's worth about 48p.
(Sat 25th Jun 2005, 13:31, More)

» Jobsworths

Police Jobsworths
Interesting, isn't it, that the police have come in for the heaviest criticism here? Surely being a copper is all about being a jobsworth. They're there to enforce the law. Sometimes they can use their discretion but mostly it's strict liability black-and-white. I've met quite a few plods in my time. Most of them are OK people doing a tough job. IF we're lucky, they rarely touch our lives. They come into contact with crap all of the time. So take it easier on them. Except, of course, traffic police who are arse-fucking evil twat-mutants.
(Wed 18th May 2005, 22:41, More)

» Jobsworths

Ian Maiden
Aren't we missing the fine irony?
(Tue 17th May 2005, 22:35, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

It's Malcolm!
In a rigidly run hall of residence at Uni. Nobody in your room after 10pm. Regularly played poker and did other stuff into the small hours. Always vigilant for Malcolm the caretaker who did his rounds every hour on the hour. Miserable twat. Probably dead from misery now. I was just glad to have a girl in my room who seemed to like John Lee Hooker. Bam! She rolled me! Rutted all night except on the hour when we had to stop shagging for fear of alerting Malcolm. Didn't last long as she didn't actually like John Lee Hooker after all! Miserable twat!
(Sat 5th Mar 2005, 11:46, More)
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