» Pure Ignorance

Recently at work...
Foot in mouth syndrome, twice in one day;

Simon turns and asks me who's on the tills, glancing quickly at the rotor I reply "simon" said dude's slightly shocked reply, "i'm simon", i'd worked there long enough to know.

And nextly, a rather beautiful woman strolls up to the till, being rather stunned by her I say "you have lovely eyes", she informs me that they're contacts, so far so good, she asks me what time I started work "half two" I reply, and add on "and I finish at eleven if you're interested", I really ought to think before I speak, she just blushed slightly and said she'd think about it while I tried (in vain) to tell her it wasn't supposed to sound like that.

And yes it was overheard, for on both occasions it seems that my brain had gone for a stroll, so no apologies for girth, length or other sizeable attributes.
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 3:21, More)

» Out of my depth

This guy out of his depth...
Funnily enough I always manage to blag my way through things, but that doesn't matter.
One time, long ago, I was a sixth former, and sitting in the common room, a wannabe hard-,man asks me "oi, wot yoo lookin' at?", now i'm wearing shades and am somewhat bemused as to his assumption that i'm looking at him, this questioning goes on for a while, and I end up telling him where to go.
So he picks up a chair, now being renowned at my sixth form as an assassin/spy/convict/general nutcase, I pull out from my bag, a scalpel and the chain I usually use to lock up my bike, three teachers come marching out of the sixth form office, disarm him, and completely ignoring me, march him away... Scary what you can get away with when you've got a strange reputation.
(Wed 20th Oct 2004, 15:30, More)

» Best Comebacks

Arriving at my mates local village
On the border with wales...
Mini townie "oi, you, oi you got a phone?"
Me "yeah... Piss off"
Mini Twnie "oh..."

And that was the end of that
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 20:46, More)

» Little things that turn you on

Girls...
Girls who make me go weak at the knees, girls who make the butterflies in my stomache get jiggy.

Aside from that, tallish slim, black haired goth girls, with that i'm ever so cute big eyed look that says, "i'm cute but i'm in charge".

Does it for me every time.

Oh and the answers in this thre... What do you mean it's been said before?
(Wed 23rd Feb 2005, 15:14, More)

» Office Christmas Parties

Mwahahahaha
Working for a rather well known chain of book shops (not waterstones, the other one) I started my working year at one store, and days after attending the store drink-fest, and recieving an inordinate number of free drinks, I was transfered to another branch, heh! only this time I was given a measly four drinks, instead of the eight offered to everyone else, because i'd already had enough free drinks from the company.

Or so it seemed, four drinks turned into eight, turned into... you get the idea, and the guys in my new place know how to get happy baby orangutaned, a great night was had by all, turned up for the wrong shift the next morning, and late for that. watermeloning brilliant night.

/twopennorth
(Wed 22nd Dec 2004, 1:35, More)