b3ta.com user essbeenz there done that
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» Messing with the Dark Side

Virgin Suicides
Well - not really, he had loads of birds....my brother committed suicide in 1991 at the age of 22. He was in the airforce and had a g/friend at the time who we had never met. Met her at subsequent funeral/wake and we all became quite close. She left the airforce six months later and shifted back home, to put the memory behind her. She went out drinking with a friend who had no idea about what my bro had done and this was the way she wanted it...at the end of the night, her friendd turned to her, grabbed her arm rfeally hard and said "the argument wasn't your fault Wendy...", when she asked her what she had said, her friend said again "the argument wasn't your fault, I had my reasons"...turns out that Wendy had been blaming herself for a massive row that her and my bro had had two days before he did what he did...her friend cannot remember saying anything, but just seeing a picture of a guy in military uniform smiling at her in her head....

Non believers?? Fuck you all!!! : )))
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 17:37, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Sean Penn
About to duck into a sex shop in Soho to update my catalogue and get Ben Dover's latest. Guy walks out and I held the door for him...twas Sean Penn - hat and sunglasses for disguise. I gasped and said "You're Sean Penn" him holding a magazine and DVD in a bag. A moment of awkwardness, before I said "greatest comtemporary actor of my generation, I love your work", to which he replied "thanks....enjoy your purchases..." - It's such a relief to know that such a famous guy wanks like the rest of us...tree hugging hippie!
(Fri 26th May 2006, 14:26, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

Please click I like this so it circulates the web - it deserves recognition!!
Google buys YouTube, but due to the excellent brand value and market recognition they decide the name will remain the same....

regrets for the all the bukkake lovers out there....

We could have ended up with GooTube!! Germans would have gone mad....
(Wed 11th Oct 2006, 15:12, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

IT Sales Recruitment
This guy should have lied....I advertised for a Hardware Sales Person (specialising in Compaq Servers)....I had someone from B & Q apply....

3 years track record of being top salesperson on the floor in the hardware department.
(Thu 13th Jul 2006, 13:33, More)

» Shame

Floor Shit
At my girlfriends place for Christmas....lovely day and lots of nice pressies....then on Boxing Day proceeded to eat the house out of all leftovers...a tiny bit of constipation ensues in the evening. Sat on the throne trying to crap for what seems like hours and then remembered that jumping up and down sometimes loosens the muck.

It worked, I dropped my load, wiped washed and walked out. Girlfriend goes in next and starts screaming. She had slipped in her new Christmas socks, on the loose piece of faeces that had escaped to the floor whilst jumping.....oh, the shame...as the mother runs to find out what the screaming was and girlfriend was instantly on the phone telling others...
(Tue 29th Nov 2005, 13:13, More)
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