b3ta.com user lardaholics anonymous
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» Guilty Secrets

I have just...
---peed in the kitchen sink at work. It has one of those protectors in the plug-hole that stop the bits of food getting into it, and when I peed, I made it spin.

This is the happiest I have been at work for months.
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 18:01, More)

» Going Too Far

Scampi goodness
A mate of mine had a very jealous, neurotic girlfriend. We were in the pub for one of our regular evenings listening to local bands etc. He had a bit of a whine about his missus giving him grief for getting home smelling of booze so I calmly finished my last scampi nik-nak and wiped the inside of the packet over his face. "See what she thinks of that then!"

Apparently he went home and his first words were "I am sorry that my face smells of minge but..."

Probably too far.
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 16:05, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Fragrant Flutulence
Me: "Do you reckon if I spray air-freshner up my bum, my farts will smell like apples?"
Bro: "Don't know."
Me: "May as well try."
Me: "Oooooooowwwwwwwwww it burns! It burns!"
Bro: "Ha ha ha ha, gufwaw gufwaw."

The End
(Tue 18th Jul 2006, 15:19, More)

» Dentists

My wife has a big mouth.
A very big mouth. She can fit her fist in it, or for that matter, a small horse. Once when she was in the dentists chair, the dentist said "Open wide". She did. Shocked at the now gaping maw that appeared he stumbled backwards and said "Gracious, not THAT wide."
(Tue 7th Nov 2006, 15:50, More)

» Jobsworths

Jobsworth webpages
I like creating web forms that instist on a valid US State and ZIP code from all customers, including international ones. And when I create a list of countries, I always make sure that United Kingdom is missing, prefering England in its place.

I also make sure that all fields are wiped when a page fails validation and that 50% of the time, I generate a server error after submitting it.

It is just a pity I can't see the users faces and long to work in retail.
(Thu 12th May 2005, 16:23, More)
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