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Profile for drunkenoaf:
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I'm not nearly as drunk as much or as often as I should be. I seem to spend most of my time on the web here.

Make me less skint by buying rude t-shirts and mugs from here. They're mostly ripping the piss out of the Police...

My e-mail? That (username of mine) at the old gmail of the dot-com. MSN me? A similar procedure is required, although my MSN passport is with hotmail. But ask first!

Recent "oh so nearly was a front page, but... really they were shite" messages:


Well, Virgin trains are often a bunch of cock.


MB's new game!


Calm down dear, it's only a facefull of spunk. Did I mention I have a PhD?



(Well, it made the newsletter)



My first attempt at a pseudo-vector


The lovely In Vino Veritas vectored me.


Body By Jake
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Body By Jake


Recent front page messages:

*natters incessantly*

(Sun 23rd Jul 2006, 21:02, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Ginger

Two ginger twins walking down Buchanan Street in Glasgow
My brother shouted: Doppelginger!

By their reaction, I think they'd heard that one before. But I was amused. My brother must have been eight years old at the time, so English-German language/ ging humour at his age was pretty damn impressive.
(Wed 3rd Mar 2010, 15:08, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

I don't wear spectacles
But if I did, I'd do what a friend of mine did in a hoity toity hairdressing salon with loads of totty in.

He started fiddling underneath the cape they put around you to keep cut hair out of your shirt.

The hairdressing girls thought he was wanking, since the older, supervisor woman called him a "clatty bastard" and whipped off the cape. To reveal him cleaning his glasses.
(Thu 17th Aug 2006, 22:59, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Poo towel
I worked for my uncle one summer-- hired muscle to move furniture from one showhouse in a new housing estate to another.
One bathroom began to stink and stink and stink. The reason? Some chav had decided to unroll a towel in the bathroom display, deposit a jobbie in it, re-roll it up and return it.

Pooooooooooooooooooooo
(Thu 30th Jun 2005, 15:56, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

The entitlement culture
Certain people think they deserve everything without having to work for it.

Third generation unemployed (the last one to pay tax on a wage was great-grandad) shouting at nurses in A&E because they have to wait was one event I witnessed.

Graduates from low ranking universities with desmonds that want to sue the Uni because they can't get a fabulous job straight away.

Most road rage events -- caused by people that think it's actually their road and not others

And then there's MP expenses; bankers and bonuses; "celebrities" behaving like cocks on a night out.

I don't get it. How do their brains short circuit the fact that they don't automatically deserve everything by default?
(Sun 18th Oct 2009, 15:42, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

There's a Professor that seems to be a bioinformaticist.
He gave a group of us a presentation (data projector, big screen) on how to search the NCBI Pubmed databases/ BLAST searches, etc. on his own laptop (a lovely Apple PowerBook). He made use of his bookmarks. One of them was for a penis enlargement site.

Was his Mac h4xx0r3d? I doubt it...
(Fri 10th Feb 2006, 18:06, More)
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