» Jobsworths

I`m not this bad. normally
I had been out for a few bevvies with work collegues.. and put it this way, we are far far from poor. After said bevvies we decided to go to the scummiest nightclub in the whole of Milton Keynes (yes I know). So we arrive and the bouncer wont let me in as I am wearing trainers.
"not trainers, canvas shoes" said I
"yer not comin in luv"
"Do I look like I am about to cause trouble?"
"Sorry luv,rules"
I was a little drunkenly peeved at this point, I proceeded to catch a cab home, fill a ruck sack with shoes, and head back to the nightclub, where upon I give the bouncer a fashin footwear display of at least 6 pairs of shoes and asked him which ones he would prefer to let me in. Cue one amused bouncer, who finally let me in

If only they were all this long
(Fri 13th May 2005, 14:09, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

another unhappy QOTW
You know its over when.....

I was married and at some point decided I had had enough of his overbearing ways and proceeded to inform the husband of six years, that I was going to leave and that I was going to rent a house on my own and we would see where we could go from there - all very grown up and reasonable

cue husband throwing a glass of water me, pining me up by the throat and threatening to kill me, followed by ramming a ruck sack full of clothes and dragging me by my hair backwards down the stairs before forcably booting me out the house (literaly)

Still I can laugh about it now
(Thu 21st Jul 2005, 15:42, More)

» Scars with history

I deserved it
I have a scar on my right eyebrow. It was caused by a piggy backing incident. Its about 1am and me and a mate are on our way back home from the pub, we are both very drunk. He decides that a giving me a piggy back is a good idea. I get up on his back, he lurches forward and launches me headfirst into the pavement cue split head, fractured cheekbone major grazing etc. Still I was so drunk I didnt realise the full extent of injury till the next day
(Mon 7th Feb 2005, 9:12, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Bloody Neighbours
My partner managed to catch the next door neighbour in our garden with his freind who was weilding a set of bolt cutters, trying to nick our motorbike. Upon catching him he called the police - the scumbags response was to grin at my partner and give him the finger The next evening he came up to us telling this wank story of how he trying to catch the thief etc etc

I now wonder whether it was him who nicked my car and then burgled my house two weeks later

On the upside we have sold the house and are moving to the next town

No apologies for length I was traumatised by the whole ordeal
(Thu 25th Aug 2005, 14:03, More)

» Teenage Poetry

not sure if this ones been done
As I cant be arsed to read all the posts..anyway heres one from school (not mine I admit)

Daisy Daisy give me your tits chew
I'm half crazy, all for the love of you
I havent got a johnny,a plastic bag will do
You'll look sweet between the sheets, with me on top of you.
(Mon 15th Aug 2005, 13:31, More)