» Shit Stories

The picture really doesn't do it justice...
Our swamp of shite in our back garden last year! It really was the most rancid, disgusting thing ever.

We never did have that BBQ we were planning...

www.warwickboar.co.uk/?article=1716
(Fri 7th May 2004, 19:26, More)

» Shit Stories

I was born two weeks overdue
as, despite the doctor's best efforts, all attempts to induce labour with my mum had failed. I was a lazy bugger (still am) and was determined not to be born. Eventually they decided to perform a Caesarean section on my mum due to me being 'in distress'. So out I came.

Unfortunately, being 'distressed', I had managed to shit myself just before birth, and therefore came out covered in some sort of revolting foetus-poo. I'm sure my parents were delighted.


Another shit-related story...my mum's a nurse and part of her job is collecting various samples from patients and making sure they get sent off to the right places etc. For a stool sample, you provide a patient with a plastic sample pot, they go off and do the business, and hand you back the pot with a *small* sample of shit in it to be tested. Simple in theory..

One patient was given a pot and asked to come back with a stool sample. However, she seemed to have misunderstood the word 'sample', and returned with a entire plastic pot totally packed full of shit, squashed down and levelled at the top. My mum was not impressed, but didn't want to say anything, as apart from anything else, it must have taken considerable effort to do!
(Fri 7th May 2004, 0:03, More)

» People with Stupid Names

I remember reading a letter
published in Ministry magazine (ages ago), where someone had written to the Home Office to ask for some statistics for research they were doing on recreational drugs. They received a reply signed by a Miss Bishi.
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 18:31, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Could also have been put under 'rude to a celebrity'
A few years ago, my boyfriend was invited to a sixth form ball by one of his mates. The school it was being held at (which his mate's cousin and a lot of his mate's friends attended) was an extremely exclusive girls boarding school with the daughters of some very rich and influential people.

At the ball, and feeling slightly out of place, my boyfriend proceded to get totally rat-arsed on the free wine. Then, he noticed that, among all the parents who had been invited, there was none other than John Gummer (you know, the Tory MP who fed his kid a beefburger in some ill-advised publicity stunt while he was Agriculture minister during the whole BSE crisis). So up he went to the man himself, and made a loud and 'hilarious' quip about burgers and mad cows. He doesn't remember exactly what he said (or indeed much of the rest of the night), but he quite clearly remembers the look of utter contempt from Mr Gummer.
(Fri 23rd Apr 2004, 13:09, More)