» Apparently I'm a sex offender

old people complain too much.
a little while back i was sat on the bus, headphones in listening to chilli peppers with hands in pockets.
i almost always have my hands buried in the pockets of my 10" too wide jeans.
unfortunatly, i was listening to one song (can't remember what it was) and i started to tap my hands, intime to the music, within my jeans.
cue the bus driver walking up to me (the bus was parked) whilst being tailed by an interfeiring old woman.
i took my hands out of my pockets and pulled my headphones out to see what he wanted.
he told me that the fat old bitch behind him had said that i was pleasuring my self in public whilst listening to "audio Porn". he then asked to see my hands, (for spunk probably) inspect my pockets, (for holes?) and look through my mp3 player for any mildly erotic noises.
i had nothing and so he went back to driving the bus without saying anything to the stupid old woman.
Honestly, if i did have "audio porn" i wouldn't be wasting it sat on the bus into town surronded by pensioners.
(Fri 18th Aug 2006, 0:02, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

i am
curantly in an ict lesson at school and hoping the teacher doesnt see me on teh interweb.
it is almost impossible to be not spotted so i devised a cunning plan to stop anyone from paying attention to me.
i throw a werthers original wrapper into the printer on the other side of the room and while everyones trying to fix the "paper jam" i am happily searching the interweb for a new hat.
(Fri 29th Apr 2005, 9:51, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

hhhmmmm
the last thing i cried at was when i was melting plastic into a jelly mould so i could fool people into thinking i had jelly even when i didnt.
i acidently put my hand ito the setting plastic and severly burnt my hand.then the realisation of me not being able to have some plastic jelly hit me and i cried.
it ended happy though coz i made real jelly instead,it was purple.
(Wed 20th Apr 2005, 12:29, More)

» Weird Traditions

for some reason
a couple of years back i super-glued a cowboy hat to the helmet i wear when im on my scooter. which resulted in me acting like a cowboy whenever i am in reaching distance of my scooter e.g. saying "howdy ma'am" to any body who walks across the pedestrian crossing while i am waiting foy the lights to change.
sadly last year,whilst drunk, i decided to ride around the pub car park with my cowboy hat aflame resulting in just havind a burn mark on top of my scooter helmet. i still act like a cowboy on my scooter though.
which is fun.
sorry for length and what-not
(Mon 1st Aug 2005, 13:04, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

bloody BMXs
a couple of years ago (i was 12/13ish)and me and a couple of friends were walking to another friends house when we saw an old BMX in a skip.
it was obviously there because it seemed to be made of razors and was lacking a saddle.
despite it being practically made of death we managed to lift it from the skip without too much hassle.
once we got it out no one dared ride it down the hill to our friends house. due to the fact that all my friends were scaredy shit wankers and i was not, i chose to ride it down the hill and, hopefully prove how great i was.
about half way down i hit a bump. nothing big, just enough to bruise my arse on the pipe where the saddle should have been. seeing how i wasnt going to make it all the way down without hurting myself i decided to stop.
but, as i slowed down, the front wheel stuck in a pot-hole and i fel, crotch first, into the bit the handle bars are joinded onto.
this would have been o.k if the afor mentiond bit wasn't a mangled peice of sharp metal.
i managed to hobble down to my friends house with my ball sack ripped open and the consfeeling that my balls were going to pop out. i fainted outside my friends house and all i can remember from then on is my friends mom saying,not very reasuringly, " i'm sure they'll be ably to save one of them at least"
i got to the hospital alright though and spent two weeks off school with giant bollocks.
Happy ending/ my friends told me afterwords that as they were putting me in the ambulance some tarmp kid ran of with the bmx, and they said that they had died.
(Thu 13th Jul 2006, 22:54, More)