» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

i once did a shift on the milk aisle at sainsbury's on E
got so into it, i was actually standing with bottles in both hands, waiting for someone to take one so i could replace it.
(Wed 21st Dec 2005, 8:37, More)

» Sacked

i got sacked for spending too much time on b3ta.
i feel quite proud of that
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 18:30, More)

» That's me on TV!

I was meant to be on "You and Me" back in the early eighties.
They came to my nursery but i got scared by all the strange people and hid in a box in the playground.

For the whole day.

Once I was in I couldn't get back out again and no-one noticed till my mum came to pick me up at 4.
(Mon 15th Jun 2009, 18:36, More)

» Scary Neighbours

my neighbours
are all middle class tristans and sebastians, who do nothing more reckless than talking too fucking loudly & leaving fag butts in the communal garden..

good thing i'm an easy going alcoholic pot smoker. i'd have to kill the loudmouth greasy chumpfuckers otherwise.
(Wed 31st Aug 2005, 8:10, More)

» Airport Stories

ibiza airport, couple of years ago.
in brief:
last day of trip, necked all remaining hash before getting coach to airport. spent an hour in the toilets passing out, being sick, passing out again, etc.
got it together just as we got to the front of the queue for check in.
passed out right at the front of the queue.
was wheeled to emergency wing with my mate wandering after me and getting lost.
spent 45 mins convincing woman i was fit to fly. was told to stay in wheelchair until i got to the gate. find mate, he pushes me to the gate via security.
get out of chair at gate.
security see me and drag me back to the security gate, threatening me with a bumming if i am taking the piss. (no-one had told them i could walk)
finally convince them, get on plane, land in london to full on ambulance and stretcher/crane thing waiting on exit of the plane.
legged it.
the end.
(Sun 5th Mar 2006, 19:38, More)