b3ta.com user Xyphious
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» Insults

excellent one
the ex was insulting my current mrs and i spouted this gem:

"yeah, well the most intelligent thing to come outta your mouth was my cock"

nuff said really
(Sun 7th Oct 2007, 11:46, More)

» Urban Legends

Jack Daniels....

Bourbon legend


(Mon 9th Jan 2006, 17:16, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

long one, get cozy
This one is from my mates brother (yeah yeah i know, prolly another for the urban legends one)

anyway here's what happened:

Group of lads including mates brother are over in Amsterdam for a lads holiday.

One of them is a total bastard and has been moaning about everything the whole trip and wanted to visit the red light district and did nothing but bitch about it the whole trip but the other boys just wanted to get high so no hooker style nookie ensued.

So on the last night there the boys ran off and paid for a person of the night as a treat for the moaning git, they take the affore mentioned twat into a room and handcuff him to the bed and blindfold him (it was a suprise for him so he went along i was told)

Then the guys leave and after a few minutes someone walks in, removes the blindfold...Its the biggest, blackest, meanest mo-fo you've ever seen and he introduces himself in a rather forceful way!

yipe, yowser and ouch

The guys flew home that very eve on a last minute flight.

They never heard from that bloke again

/applies savlon
(Thu 19th Jan 2006, 13:46, More)

» Fire!

repeat arsonist
Every 4 years i light a massive fire in a different country that will burn for weeks!

Funny thing is everyone always cheers me when i light it

....to be fair though i AM the olympic torch
(Mon 7th Nov 2005, 17:09, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Flame on!
I had one of those mini blowtorch lighters back in the day, thought the damn thing had ran out of gas so did the usual shake and press the button but no joy.
Held it up to my ear and shook it, could hear no gas at all so i pressed the button (i still don't know why) and brûlée-ed my ear

(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 10:00, More)
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