» Ripped Off

Luxor museum giftshop
Having been warned about street venders selling shite relics and artifacts, my wife and I decided we would only buy a memento from our trip to Egypt from a reputable source. On visiting Luxor museum we saw the gift shop and knew this was it. Obviously inside the museum the quality of the ornaments were significantly better than all the toothless bastards were selling in the bazaars. The Captain on our boat had primed me with the fact that black statues in Egypt are made from basalt but you should always check that it is carved from a solid piece and not from powder poured into a mold. To do this you should check the base for small bubbles. Armed with this information I approached the shop manager and asked to see his lovely bust of Tutankhamen in his window. On picking up this superior piece of craftsmanship, I turned it over as instructed by my trusty teacher, in order to see if there were any of the said naughty bubbles in the base. On seeing me do this the shop manager said 'ah you are a man of knowledge I can see but do not worry yourself Sir, this is Luxor museum and we only sell top quality merchandise'. It was top notch, I knew it, he knew it and even his mankey cat which ate flies knew it.

This man knew he was dealing with a pro but I was still amazed how easily he caved into my hard bartering technique. £12 I got it for and I'll never forget him saying on my leaving his shop 'ah Englishman you break my heart'. The Arab buffoons had met their match.

On getting home my trusty and prize King Tut, my wife decided it was a little dusty and decided to give it a wash. After three scrubs with soapy water, the black colouring started to come off and after 10 minutes scrubbing all was revealed. My pride and joy King Tut effigy was in fact carved from an 'effing house brick that had been dyed with boot-polish. What made it worse was it said "made in Leeds" on the back.

It’s so shite an ornament that it’s ace and has been given pride of place in my home. It is my homage to Western gullibility and prejudice.

No apologies for the length or girth as I am Welsh.
(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 21:37, More)

» How nerdy are you?

sad
I am a mass spectrometrist and I bend ions around corners for a living.

Enough said.
(Sat 8th Mar 2008, 16:23, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Jordans
There's a place in Bucks called Jordans that's full of uber-posh and old people. Driving past the sign last month, I was so pleased to see someone had drawn a massive pair of tits under it. Simple, not strictly graffiti but to the point.

Gets me everytime.
(Sun 6th May 2007, 10:51, More)

» Picky Eaters

Tortoise
As a kid my mate, Dai Morgan who could run like the wind and had a grandad called Morgan Morgan, had a tortoise and its crap looked like boiled spinach.

My wife just doesn't get why I won't eat boiled spinach. My cat's jobs also looks like those sausages they put in hotdogs. I eat them them though.

Not sure where this is leading, too much wine me thinks.........
(Sun 4th Mar 2007, 11:19, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Irony
"Choo Choo lives!"

Written on a wall in Bargoed, Mid-Glamorgan.

Ironic since he was dead.
(Sat 5th May 2007, 14:21, More)