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» Stupid Tourists

Nuff said........
Doing an English Civil War re-enactment a few years ago........ A mate of mine is doing some carpentry, bashing a few nails into some timber. An American woman comes up to him and says.....

'They didn't have nails in the 17th century'
'What do you mean'?
'They didn't have nails, i read it in a book somewhere'
'Oh right.. I think you'll find they had nains somewhat earlier than the 17th century'.
'How do you know'?
'Do you think they tied Jesus to the fucking cross'?

Exit one speechless tourist.
(Sun 10th Jul 2005, 12:36, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Another battle...
Overheard this in a gents lavvy in Somerset...

A yank tourist and a REAL yokel type stood at the urinals....
The old yokel finshes his piss, shakes the drops off and puts the old fellah away...

'Gee, don't you wash your hands'?
'Us 'ere don't piss on us 'ands'

I nearly pissed on my hands laughing.
(Sun 10th Jul 2005, 12:40, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Noisy bugger
After a bad accident on the bike i was admitted to the A&E emergency admissions ward. Nine broken bones are no fun i can tell you! Lots of Tramadol later i'm starting to feel the wonderous affects and it's time to kip. Enter drunkard who has been hit by transit van at 11 pm at night, moaning and groaning at death's door. The constant beeps from his monitor followed by flatline noises and the constant ministrations by the staff to revive him are starting to wear a bit thin by 2am. The moaning noises finally start again. From a shadowy corner of the ward suddenly comes the comment from an old dear of about 80, admitted earlier in the evening..... ' Either shut up or fuckin' die will you? i'm trying to get some sleep'! Nearly wet myself laughing! Was funny at the time though. By the way, he pulled through.
(Fri 22nd Jan 2010, 21:24, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Christ almighty
Being a battle re-enactor of many years, you get to hear some of the best ones from the public........

'Did they have babies/fruit/meat/leather etc. in the 17th century'?

Mancunian...'What's that'? pointing at a 16 foot long sharpened weapon

Tony (one of our lads) 'It's a pike'

Mancunian...'What's that one'?

Tony....'That's a Halberd'

Mancunian..'Why are all your weapons named after fish'?

An American tourist was watching one of our lot (a carpenter) bashing a few nails into some timber.....

'Gee, they didn't have nails in the 17th Century, i read it in a book back home'.

'Sorry love, i think you'll find they had nails a long time before that'.

'Really? How do you know?.

'You think they tied Jesus to the fucking cross?!!

Exit one know it all tourist.
(Wed 12th Jan 2005, 20:24, More)

» The Police II

Hampshire's finest
Having smacked into a set of railings on the old Thunderace i finally regained my senses, surrounded by paramedics, ambulance, doctor and firemen. Also the biggest t**t of a copper. Who else would possibly slip a producer note into your pocket while out cold? And how was i going to produce my documents in the allotted seven days............when i'm in hospital for over a month? A lovely letter to the chief plodder produced a warm feeling when he mentioned disciplinary action against the overzealous one.

(Sun 8th May 2011, 21:40, More)
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