b3ta.com user T.A.F.K.A. doctorsax
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Profile for T.A.F.K.A. doctorsax:
Profile Info:

22 years old
Skills: Sound engineering, endurance whiskey drinking, talking complete bullshit about everything.
Special abilities: Flying clothesline, fire breath, testicle punch of doom.

Various excellent pictures of me:

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Stupid Dares

Red Bull challenge
At a party a few years back, my good friend Dave was dared to drink 8 cans of Red Bull in 5 minutes. A large crowd gathered and Dave, always the showman, attacked the cans with gusto. After less than 2 minutes he was 4 cans in, and looking good to reach the finish line in style. However, his stomach had other ideas. With the 5th can opened and ready to go, he suddenly paused. A mighty belch... and then...

BLAAAAAAGH! Red Bull and stomach lining everywhere. To his credit, after the vomiting began, he continued to attempt to drink the other cans. This resulted in a good 2 and a half minutes of Dave alternating between taking gulps of Red Bull and then having his body reject them instantly, much to the delight (and disgust) of all spectators. When the final bell was sounded Dave had failed, but he received a standing ovation from the crowd and spent the rest of the night telling people that he was 'fucking buzzing, man!'. I later found out that the crazy bastard hadn't even eaten that day.
(Sat 3rd Nov 2007, 12:01, More)

» Terrible food

Fine Norwegian delicacies...
Two stories from two unrelated experiences with Norway's fine foods...

The first one occurred when I was in a youth choir that had ties to another based in Norway. They visited us once, and brought an abomination that they claimed was 'cheese'. I can't remember what it was called but it was the worst 'cheese' I have ever put in my mouth. It was sweet - and I mean really sweet - and the texture was both soft and slimy. It was much like eating a sugary snot cake (not that I'd know what that's like).

The second was some years later at a Norwegian girl's house. She brought out horse salami. I was slightly disturbed at the thought of eating horse but being the foolhardy... fool I am, I tried it. It was like chewing the tongue of a boot with added salt. Bleeeeuuuuugh.

Apologies for length, it's my first time... I was nervous.
(Fri 18th May 2007, 11:41, More)

» Pathological Liars

The many lies of Sasha
A girl called Sasha, one of my friends' fiance, is a compulsive liar. Being an only child born to rich parents, she is an attention hog, so she seems to have to make up drama in her life to make it more interesting/fucked up. Among the stranger lies she has told:

- Claimed that her ex somehow stole £666.66 from said friend's bank account, because he was bitter about them breaking up and doesn't like my friend. I asked my friend about it and he had no idea what she was talking about.

- One of the first times I met her, she told me that although she was entered into higher level maths for GCSE, she was predicted a D grade (those of us who have done higher level maths know that you can only be given A* to C, and that pretty much all you have to do to get a C is turn up to the exam!).

- Having had a gastric band put in to help her lose weight, she consistently claims that her stomach is now 'the size of a walnut' and that she can barely eat at all. When having a meal with us she will eat a tiny amount, then claim to be full - only to break out several packs of crisps from her bag about 20 minutes later.
(Sat 1st Dec 2007, 15:22, More)

» Scars with history

My dad fell over on a path which had a fair bit of loose gravel when he was a kid. He grazed his elbow (amongst other things) but didn't notice that a stone about 5mm across had gone into the wound. It healed over and he can wiggle it around under his skin in a nauseating manner to this day.

My mate who happens to have the same name as my dad has a spectacular 3" scar on the side/back of his head from falling off a skateboard. It's especially noticeable since he has a mohawk at the moment...
(Wed 9th Feb 2005, 23:11, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Communism redefined by blonde
Behold the wonder of my old friend Kimmie. Very intelligent, but zero common sense. Every day I'm amazed that she aces exams. Why? Take this example:

At a pub one night, I was trying to explain to her about communism after a barrage of questions about a political discussion the rest of us were having. I talked her through the basics of the idea, and when she asked for an example of a communist country I was certain she'd got it. "Well, for example, China is a communist country" says I.

She replied with "Why, is it because they all look the same?"

She wasn't making a joke and she's not racist, by the way. Not knowingly anyway. And yes, she is a natural blonde.

PS - In reply to dogfish's last post, I believe that most guns don't work underwater. Joke's on you!
(Thu 13th Jan 2005, 19:32, More)
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