» The Police

New Orleans
Several years ago I was visiting some college friends who lived outside of New Orleans. Two were brothers who had a father who was a heavy drinker.

One night the father announces that a famous jazz musician is town (in New Orleans? What are the odds?) and that he was treating all of us lads to the show.

Now the father was a nice guy while sober but a mean drunk. After downing his first dozen drinks he would try and start a fight. This night went true to form.

The sons did not drink. At least nothing like their father. Luckily they were close by and used to dealing with him and dragged him out of the bar with the bouncers behind us muttering threats. Outside the club the father became uncontrollable. One of the sons finally had to throw him on the ground, sat on this chest with his knees trapping the arms and proceeded to calmly keep slapping his father while lecturing him that he needed to calm down and go home. The rest of us young types stood around in a circle staring at the scene.

Suddenly we hear a voice call out "what is going on?". I turn and the to tallest, black police officers I have seen in my life are getting out of their squad car.

I mentally started figuring out how much money I had for bail. 4 young punks standing around watching the fifth beat up an old man generally is not considered a scene the police try and promote. Even in New Orleans.

We four approach the officers and start stammering out explanations. The one son just calmly continued to sit on his father, still slapping him, and telling him "see? Now the cops are here. They are going to take you to jail now."

The cops just stood there for what seemed an eternity. They probably had thought that they had seen everything but the son sitting there and calmly continuing slapping his father while lecturing him apparently was a first. I was just trying to keep from soiling myself. The story sounded so stupid that there was no way that they would believe us.

Finally one of the officers said "hit him once for me" and the two went back to their car and drove off.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 6:28, More)

» The Police

My first arrest
I was speeding down a busy highway in my new SHO when I hear the familiar sound behind me. My heart sank as I had an unpaid ticket for which I had the bond money in my pocket and intended on taking care of the next day.

Worse came after I was stopped as the officer was apparently p*ssed off that he couldn't have caught me if I hadn't noticed him and slowed down. He was red in the face and literally screaming. He calmed down a bit when I admitted that there was a warrant when he started back to the car to run my license. Probably because he was happy that he could arrest me for something rather than just giving me a ticket.

Whle he was writing the ticket I started chatting with him. It came up that I had an accounting background and we discussed some tax problems/questions that he had. After the paperwork was complete he actually apologized but said that he had to take me in anyway. He did let me drive my car to a secure parking lot so that it wouldn't get towed, and while he didn't let me ride in the front he didn't handcuff me and left the window between the front and back open so that I could lean through it and continue chatting.

When we reached the station he stated that he was getting off shift but that he put in a good word for me. Then the fun began.

The temporary holding cells were already fairly full, but the officers inside cleared everyone out of one so that I could have my own cell. All of the other prisoners were staring at me wide-eyed and whispering amongst themselves. The conversation was probably that the assumed that I was some sort of mass murderer from the looks of fear that they were giving me.

Luckily I had the bond money on me so I only had to wait for the processing wheels to finally start turning. That it was a change of shift didn't help anything as the new shift had to have their couple of hours of coffee, donuts, and chatting to take care of.

Somehow the word amongst the police officers got garbled. Instead of "don't give him any hassles" somehow the story got changed to that I was a major bigwig banker and that everyone should be very respectful. So during the check out proceedings I had a group of officers clearing the way everywhere I went and they were always politely saying "this way, sir", "please step this way, sir" in very nice voices.

The other prisoners looked like they were about to fall over. Mouths were literally haging open. I can imagine the discussions after I left. A mass murderer that the police were fawning over!

Unfotunately the pleasant experience did not carry over to the trial. The judge proceeded to call me an idiot for getting myself arrested when I had the bail money in my pocket.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 19:02, More)

» The Police

Matador
I have a friend who was a matador. I would often trail along on his fights in Mexico. One weekend we had a large group travel down to watch the fight and so were in two cars. The arena was a city new to all of us and a fun time was not had by any due to a variety of one problem after another. After the fight all we wanted to do was to get back to the states and so all of the blood and gore splattered gear was thrown in the trunk of one car and we drove that night back up to Monterrey, grabbed a few hours sleep, then woke early to complete the trip.

We were in two vehicles. I was in the lead. We pass through the border crossing with no problems and pull to the side to await the second car with its trunk full of bloody suits of lights, capes, and swords. The second car was not waived through. The officer was having a long conversation with them.

Then the officer asked them to get out of the car.

At this point we couldn't decide whether to save ourselves and leave the scene or try and go back and vouch for them.

The officer led them around the back of the car to the trunk. That made one decision easy. No way were we driving back there. The trunk was opened. We watched, frozen with fear. They were on their way to jail on suspicion of murder. The car hid what was happening. After a very long time the three of them walked from behind the car, the officer shook hands with my friend, then they got in the car and started driving.

We went around a corner until we were out of eyesight then forced the other car off the road, physically pulled the occupants out of the car and demanded to know what happened and how the h*ll they talked their way out of what was in the trunk.

It wound up the officer was a bullfighting affianado, knew who my friend was, and was about to have an orgasm at the thought of actually being able to touch the cape still wet with the bull's blood.
(Tue 27th Sep 2005, 1:43, More)

» The Police

P*ssing in the park and others
Story 1:

One night when out driving around with a car full of disreputable types we were driving through a very large city park that is generally deserted at night we all decided that there was a need to relieve our internal tensions.

So I pull over to the side of the road and we all proceed to empty our bladders. This park is heavily wooded and all of us jumped when a PA blared from a hidden cop car in some nearby bushes.

From the voice the cops were obviously too drunk to chase us but the had fun singing (yes, actually singing in a slurred voice) "you can't dooooo that!"

Story 2:

We had a friend, L, who was not the brightest bulb in the pack. One night were were near some railroad tracks drinking. A train was approaching from the distance and for some reason had a blue light flashing. One of the lads said "Quick! Run L! That's a police train!"

About 5 minutes of almost having to sit on L ensued as he was panicking trying to get us to flee the police train.

Story 3:

I had purchased a SHO right after they were introduced and my brother and I were driving down to the beach with a couple in the back to spend the weekend at their grandparents beach house. The car had about half a liquor store inside though we had not started sampling the wares. My brother was driving. It was about 2:00 AM. The road was completely open and straight, no other cars were present, and we had the radar detector on.

Suddenly my brothers starts cursing under his breath. "I think I passed a police car on the feeder." "So?" I replied. "If he was sitting there he didn't have his radar on."

My brother darkly replied "He wasn't sitting there. He was probably going about 60 mph and we passed him going about 100". Sure enough the lights come on in the distance.

We are pulled over and there are two highway patrolmen in a mustang. One was obviously a new rookie teamed up with a veteran. The rookie was practicing his intimidation routine with my brother having pulled him out of the car (in shorts, no shoes or shirt, and looking like cr*p) and was giving him all sorts of grief.

I was worried that the car not being in his name was a problem and so got out to explain that I was the owner. The veteran ran over yelling at me to get back in the car. I was able to stammer out that it was my car, I had let my brother drive, we hadn't been drinking (despite bottles piled up by the back window), etc. The vet stopped, looked me up and down, said "your car, huh?", paused, then asked "how does it run?".

"Like a spotted arsed baboon" I replied. "Want to see the engine?". His eyes lit up and he said "Sure! I've been reading about these things!". So I went over to the drivers side, popped the hood, and the vet and I huddled there going over the engine.

The rookie looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. He was doing the intimidation factor by the book but here was his partner and one of the criminals chatting like best friends, ignoring him and talking about car engines! I wish I had a camera as he slowly changed from hard ass to stammering trying to get a grip on the situation.

The vet then said "want to see what we get to drive?". "Sure!" I replied and as we went over to his car he seemed to notice the rookie still standing there with my brother and said "Drop it. They're OK" as we passed.

My brother still got a ticket, though.
(Sat 24th Sep 2005, 2:11, More)

» The Police

Shooting
My gf and I were pulling into the parking lot of a video rental store and witnessed a guy back his truck into a car, look straight at us, then drove off. We were less than 20 feet away and had a full description of everything.

I go into the store and start asking around for the owner of the car that was hit. Sure enough a uniformed officer walks up, his face falling as he guessed why we were asking.

After giving him all of the information he thanked us and said that he would call and let us know how it turned out.

I was doing photography on the side at that time and had a field shoot about a week later. I was expecting a call from a friend and so left a message on the answering maching saying "We're going out to shoot someone. Will be back in an hour."

When we returned the message light was blinking. The call was from the officer. He did not sound very amused. I called him and he filled me in on the details (he found the owner and the truck with damage that matched our description. The owner denied everything but apparently subtle threats made him change his mind.)

Nother was ever said about the shooting message. I wonder to this day whether he figured out what we meant or if thought it was a prank message.
(Sat 24th Sep 2005, 4:21, More)