b3ta.com user zacherynuk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for zacherynuk:
Profile Info:

Just a lowly IT person who has the ability of googling faster than his counterparts.

Pics Here

Quiz Here

Recent front page messages:

From /Links manifesto link

My first ever fp :) - Thanks!
(Mon 12th Apr 2010, 16:38, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Stupid Tourists

Houston, Texas
Asked by concierge, "Hey man, I really dig your accent, where are you from?"

I'm from England.

I explained to him I was from Japan..

"Man, you speak really good american!"

(note the lowercase 'a' - I don't recognise 'american' as a language)

"No I don't,", I explained, "I am speaking Japanese, my mobile phone translates it to whatever language I choose, In real-time"

I left him in awe.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 13:33, More)

» Ouch!

wank pot ouchiness
In the nineties there was a show called eurotrash… it was great and, for the time, rather wank tastic.

In one of the show’s features, was a Japanese product; a wank-pot, this was a disposable plastic pot, not unlike a pot noodle, filled with a textured gel, which could be warmed up and then the whole contract slipped over your manhood to simulate the lecturer you were lusting after at the time.

Shortly after watching the above, I was preparing the wholesome student feast that is Pot Noodle - when I had a great idea… If I was to use just a little less water I could achieve a more ‘vaginal’ consistency of the potted vegetarian goodness.

Initial finger-testing went very well indeed and I settled down in a comfy chair and slowly slipped the prosthetic Ms Summers over my manhood.

It felt good. It felt really good.

Relaxing a little more, I leant back into the cushions, closed my eyes and eased my member deeper into the inviting beef and tomato goodness.

It was at this moment when the centimetre or so of collected, not-so-long-ago-boiling water dribbled and then spilt down over my bell-end, down the underside of my penis and over my testicles. 2 milliseconds of intense pleasure very quickly turned into 2 minutes of excruciating agony and finally into good 2 days of discomfort.
(Sat 31st Jul 2010, 8:44, More)

» Conversation Killers

Not so much the conversation I was in...
...But it stopped most of those around us rather abruptly.

Upon concluding a rant about the tedium of parenthood, sleepless nights, nappies & having to talk to everybody about babies all the bloody time: “… I’m sick of fucking babies, I can’t wait until she’s a toddler though”.
(Thu 12th May 2011, 14:59, More)

» Ouch!

Kent Beer Festival 2009
Kneeling down atop a beer bottle which promptly breaks.


(Sat 31st Jul 2010, 17:29, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Poo Shape
When I was quite little, because of the shapes of bums and buttocks I could never quite get my head around why my poo was cylindrical instead of discus shaped. After confiding in my brother I was informed that I must have a malfunctioning bottom.

I believed I was the only one not to have discus shaped poo for quite some time.

Excuse the pea
(Wed 18th Jan 2012, 21:54, More)
[read all their answers]