b3ta.com user Ethel Le Crisp
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» Barred

Bonjour Monsieur
Banned for 1 year from the Eurostar when me and some mates decided it would be a "bit of a giggle" to wet our hair and shirts and run down the corridor shouting "It's Leaking!!!"
Teenage girls, wet and running in a bouncy way, you'd have thought we'd have been given free passes for life after all of the executive stress relief we gave that day. No justice.

Girth adequate, Length Enjoyable.
(Fri 1st Sep 2006, 1:33, More)

» Join us... come join the cult

It's not what people think...
I grew up in an idyllic little creek in the good ole U, S of A. I had a nice guy and a nice life until it all went wrong and I moved to LA to persue my career as an actress. I met this guy, like you do, auditioned for a role in his latest major motion picture and wham-bam, next thing you know I'm trapped in a crazy alien worshipping cult!
Anyway, Mum, if you're reading this - Please come get me! You were right and I'm sorry Tom called you "The bastard whore of Beelzeebub" and got his minders to Roundhouse Dad until his ears bled. He did pay for the damage to Granny's Iron Lung and also the headstone and I didn't hear you complain about that!
I'll be in Cell, sorry Room 4 of the LA Scientology Centre and if you could get Dad's bolt cutters from the garage that'd be great.

Loads of love and big kisses from your daughter

The Queen of Betelgeuse / Katy xxx
(Fri 27th Jan 2006, 21:25, More)

» Weird Traditions

Weird Traditions
To this day (aged 37) I can't eat the bottom bit of bananas as my best mate when I was 5 told me that the reason they are pointy is that snakes suck them when they are on the trees.
(Fri 29th Jul 2005, 14:28, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Arty Farty
Every day I drive past the same Art College I went to 20 years ago, I used to stand around outside smoking Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes, dressed in cast-offs from The Cure and always, but always with my tatty old portfolio under my arm in an "I'm above it all" pose.
I sold my soul to the advertising devils many years ago and it makes me larf my tits off to see these Emin wanabees doing exactly the same things that me and my mates used to do, and knowing that when the advertising whore comes sniffing they'll all roll over and have their tummies tickled by her! Bitter? Me? Never!
(Wed 28th Sep 2005, 15:50, More)

» Posh

My blokes family are ever so posh, well his dad is and his mother aspires to be the queen.
At dinners she will have a small side salad and "toy" with it until everyone has finished eating - she saw a documentary on HRH and was inspired. She has a bowl of salt and a salt spoon "never a salt pot dear - that's sooo common". She calls muesli "merrsley" for some reason only she knows.
I love the fact that I am pure council estate, single parent stock, and how utterly dissapointed she feels that her baby boy didn't shack up with Lady Featherington-Smythe and produce hoardes of chinless babies called Tarquin.
(Thu 15th Sep 2005, 10:40, More)
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