b3ta.com user ah sod it
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Hello b3tans.

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Best answers to questions:

» When animals attack...

At the zoo
tiger sitting next to the glass, yawning, relaxing.
Brat 6 year old kid on other side of glass, slapping the glass. Mother looks on.
Tiger ignores.
Kid slaps glass louder.
Tiger ignores.
Kid shouts and slaps glass.
Tiger jumps up and smashes right into glass, full force, like , well like a big f***off angry tiger.
Kid falls backwards over kerbstone, mother drops coke all over kid and self. Kid covered in juice and crying hysterically, mother shouting abuse at tiger.
Tiger resumes yawning, with slightly smug look in her eye.

Me and mate laughing hysterically and "bonding" with the tiger.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 11:58, More)

» When animals attack...

OK this link might have bindun
but here you go anyway attack squirrel of death
this is a really funny story. 5 minutes of laughter guaranteed.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 11:47, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

pressing my open CD drive button
even when I don't need access to the CD drive, just so I can push it closed, and whisper quietly "good solid action on that"

Talking to the traffic lights, and pretending that they obey me when they happened to go green when I told them to. I practise when driving on my own, in order to try and convince my next passenger that it really works. Sometimes I even convince myself.
...and...change...now...I command you to...changeYES! AH HA HA!
(Mon 11th Apr 2005, 18:52, More)

» Essential Items

My wife slags me off
for carrying what she calls my "man bag". It is a double strapped over-the-shoulder satchel-style carrying device, with metal zip-tab entry system on it's various segments. I use it to carry my massive wallet (full of receipts, out of date credit cards and small change), a book, my phone, my keys, a scarf, I think there's a pair of socks in there from goodness knows when, a bottle of month-old tap water that now smells fusty,some "extra" chewing gum, my rather sad-looking prescription sunglasses, lots of clean but crumpled tissues, a sound-on-sound magazine, my custom-moulded ear plugs (I'm a drummer) and usually an apple, a bottle of fresh water, a woman's cardigan and perhaps a scarf if I'm going anywhere with my wife (who feels it is OK to fill it with her crap just because it's bigger than her crappy little fashion accessory). It weighs exactly 114 kilograms and is made of kryptonite.
(Sat 29th Oct 2005, 10:56, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Only hidden "treasure" I've found was at the back of the freezer
you know: those things in packets or tupperware containers that you can't identify until it's defrosted? I've been informed that these are called "lurks". So if you're out of ideas for what to have for dinner, why not heat up some tasty* lurks! Or fish them out for a chilly game of "guess what".

*may not be the case
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 14:06, More)
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