b3ta.com user Scoobah
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Orcadian living in Aberdeen. Likes fancy dress, cheesy music and the odd gin and tonic. Not too hot with Photoshop but up for a challenge.

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» Blood

Revenge of the moo
It's fair to say that in my college days my cooking skills weren't up to much, so with nothing but a tin of corned beef and some potatoes in the cupboard, I thought a corned beef hash would be in order.

I'd always found those stupid little keys you use to open the lid really fiddly, so wasn't too surprised when the sliver of metal broke off a couple of centimetres from the end.

The tin was so close to being open, I thought I'd just finished it off manually. Gripping it with the fingers and thumb of my right hand, I gave the lid a sharp tug, but it didn't budge.

Instead, my fingers slid silently and effortlessly down the razor-sharp edge of the lid. Within a couple of seconds, they were pishing blood like a de-clawed Freddie Krueger.

Each finger, plus my thumb, now had its own gill that was spattering blood all over the lino. Stemming five separate wounds was impossible, so I rather pathetically gripped my wrist and ordered my flatmate out to the shop to get plasters.

For the next few days showering was a nightmare, and my sex life was ruined. ;)

I still made and ate the hash, mind, but the very next day turned veggie. Twelve years on, I'm still vegetarian, and it's great to see people wince when I tell them why.
(Thu 7th Aug 2008, 17:46, More)