b3ta.com user Chumphry
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I lack talent.

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» Injured Siblings

I loked my sister out once
As a joke. Then started taunting her from the other inside. All good natured fun.

My concern rose when my small, angelic-looking 8 year old sister punched her way through the back door and appeared "Here's Johnny!" style in the kitchen.

I did the only thing a skinny 12 year old could do - ran like the wind and didn't look back. Apparently she broke a couple of knuckles but I was too busy pulling in 3-minute miles to notice.
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 20:06, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Go me...
I won a rubber stamp. You know - one of those things you use to stamp dates and stuff onto paper.

Might have been used once if it had something practical on it, but alas, no. Mine had "Pink Day Book Copy" on it.

I'm at a loss as to why anyone would write those words in that order once, let alone so many times as to necessitate a special rubber stamp.
(Fri 5th Aug 2005, 14:30, More)

» Jobsworths

In the bank, this morning
Me: Can I have a paying in slip please? I left my book at home.
Her: No. We don't give out blank paying in slips any more.
Me: So I can't pay this in (waves wad of currency)
Her: Not without a paying in slip.

I stomp back to the office under a cloud, annoyed at this new policy. I tell my boss, who laughs and sends me back to the bank armed with the right question to ask:

Me: Can you write my account number on a blank paying in slip and give it to me please?
Her: Certainly sir.

(Thu 19th May 2005, 11:55, More)

» Jobsworths

Dutch Doctor
I decided that I've spent long enough killing myself on the smokes, so I ring up the doctor. I need him to fill out a prescription for some quitting drugs, mainly so I can claim them back on the insurance (gotta love Holland!).

I ask the receptionist (in Dutch) what time the surgery is available for drop-in visits. 7am to 9am. Bit of an ask to get up that early on a Friday, but what the hell.

Next day, barely awake and still with pillow marks on my face I make it to the surgery. Only to find a note taped to the door that the doctor has gone on a long weekends holiday and won't be back until Tuesday.

Ring back a little later and go crazy at the receptionist. Her answer: "You asked when the surgery was open, not if it was actually open".

At this point, Chumphry reaches for his pack of Marlboro.
(Tue 17th May 2005, 14:33, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Described the liner notes to "Play" as "Essays".

No, Mr Moby. They were your usual smug, pretentious, waffly, Prius-driving twat-mongering shite. And your music makes me want to rip off my balls and stuff them in my ears, just to make it stop.
(Thu 29th Sep 2005, 13:23, More)
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