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» Inappropriate crushes

Belly nuzzlin'
Miss Bedford - my Junior Kindergarten teacher. I had the, apparently, mandatory crush on her. But what made it a little pervy were my clairvoyant fantasies. I could see into the future. Y'see I was five years old, knew nothing about sex and my nuts still resided somwhere behind my lungs. But all I wanted to do to Miss Bedford was get naked and rub my belly against hers and I was a little worried that my willy would get in the way and get pinched.
I have since found out that ladies have a convenient receptacle in which to put your willy if you wish to do a bit of belly rubbing
(Thu 28th Sep 2006, 16:15, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Fun with trains
There is an industrial railway spur near where I used to live, with an unmanned level crossing going over a moderately busy road. About 50 metres down from the crossing are the sensors that the train triggers as it rolls over them (slowly - this was just a spur line remember). The sensors were placed, one on each rail, and when the train went over them it completed a circuit, setting off the bells and lights at the level crossing, stopping the cars. We discovered that you could complete this circuit with any conducting material that spanned the two sensors. So we grabbed a metal fencepost and laid it across the rails, touching the sensors. Bingo. The lights began flashing, the bells began ringing and traffic came to a stop. We just sat in the woods and watched traffic build up on both sides of the crossing, waiting for the non-existent train to cross.
(Wed 4th May 2005, 20:18, More)

» Fancy Dress

Years back, a friend of mine dressed the right side of his body as Jesus (robes, halo, beard) and the left side of his body as Satan/Beelzebub (dark suit, horn, creepy makeup, beard)and introduced himself to our Halloween party as 'Bejesubus'.

He spent much of the night alternately condemning you for drinking too much or running off to the fridge to get you another beer.
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 0:02, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Dunno about you lot . . .
. . . . but after reading this week's QOTW, I'm going to be frickin' careful about crossing the street/taking the bus/catching the train/driving home/getting cancer this weekend.
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 17:47, More)

» Useless Information

Hark! In the distance . . .
At night, over still water, a fart can be heard from 300 metres away.
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 20:47, More)
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