'ning chaps!

edit: Cor, cheers!
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 0:28, More)

Bugger, I'm told this has bindun only a few days ago, but here it is regardless

(Tue 10th Jan 2006, 23:58, More)

how about merchant squirrels?

(Fri 2nd Dec 2005, 1:12, More)

» Airport Stories

this one time in manchester airport
we were quite stoned and having a beer in one of the bars in there, and we turned around to see someone dressed as Bertie Basset handing out free sweets :) he made the smoking gesture to us and we laughed, and gave him hugs :)
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 21:30, More)

» Guilty Secrets

whenever I see mongs
I'm secretly happy that at I'm not one of them

And I never will be
(Sat 1st Sep 2007, 1:54, More)

» Pointless Experiments

i once tried growing money trees
i planted 4 penny coins and a pound in the garden, in a nice secluded spot that would always gather plenty of rain water. Imagine my surprise some weeks later when I came out to witness a tiny shoot poking out of the ground.
So happy I was, running around shouting "I'm gonna have a money tree!" Imagine my dismay however when the plant eventually sprouted not crisp five pound notes as i had dreamed, but mere pennies. It may have bought me a few penny chews, but it taught me one thing. Putting such little money in the planet will only reap small rewards.

Yours sincerely,
David Attenborough
(Thu 24th Jul 2008, 14:23, More)

» Work Experience

Mine was pretty fantastic actually
It was back in 1997, in a bank. I won't say which one in case they find this out, but i managed to sneak out of there at the end of my two weeks with a laptop, a shed load of stationery and over £200 in cold hard cash. And where did the blame eventually lie? The other kid who was there with me, the one with A.D.D.

Oh, and i sneezed in the bosses coffee every morning too
(Thu 10th May 2007, 23:46, More)

» Going Too Far

Silly Mike
When I was in uni there was this guy, let's call him Silly Mike (cause that was his AKA). Mike was a few pennies short of a quid, and would generally believe anything we would tell him. Cue several instances of student humour, including :

- 'Painting' a stylish designer goatee onto his chin....with cigarette butts

- Cellotaping everything he owned to the ceiling of his room

- Stealing his playstation, and his games, and passing it as our own, despite the blatant 'Owned by Mike' style sticker on the back

However, we went too far one day when we convinced Mike of the correct way to perform cunnilingus. Mike was laid on his back, with an empty crisp packet to act as the lucky lady for demonstration purposes. We told him that the more he moved his tongue and said 'Mmmmm' that he would be a fucking Don Juan in a week.
Sadly for Mike, we recorded his moaning over the sound of the crinkling packet, and dubbed it into a drum and bass track.
A few weeks later, we managed to get the track played in the student bar whilst Mike was putting his new skills to good use (complete with fagash beard), resulting in Mike running screaming from the bar, threatening to kill us all.
He totally killed our buzz. We never let him forget he went way too far over the line.

Apologies for length/girth/etc. but it had to be told
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 21:22, More)