b3ta.com user WaffleMonster
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» The last thing that made me cry

I laughed so much I cried because I caught my dad on my sisters dance mat.
(Mon 18th Apr 2005, 16:57, More)

» Terrible food

My friend's sister...
...decided to pleasure herself with a cucumber. Afterwards she put it back in her boyfriend's fridge without washing it. His mum had a cucumber sandwich later that day.
(Thu 17th May 2007, 21:55, More)

» Scars with history

My sister...
When my sister was about 3 or 4 she was sitting at the table and was holding a fork in her hand. She was rocking on her chair and it fell backwards. The fork went into her forehead.
(Tue 8th Feb 2005, 19:31, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Quite a few
Year 7:
Mrs Jost - We had her for German when our German teacher was on maternity leave. She was German and couldn't speak English very well. She sprayed board cleaner in her eye, tried to switch the lights on with plug sockets and we ended up teaching her English. We used to melt chocolate buttons on the OHP without her noticing. The best though was when she was teaching a class of year 9's and someone shouted "We're being invaded! Quick, under the tables!" so she did so. She then found out it was a joke, threw a chair at the student and got fired. Fucking legend.

Miss Wilshin - Not sure whether she was male or female. She was pretty manly and came out with things such as "Hello, my name is Miss Wilshin. You can remember my name from the shin in your foot." and "Did you know, you've been so loud you've given me a headache." My friend's class made her leave by eating sandwiches in front of her in class.

The hippo guy: Looked like a hippo. 'Nuff said.

Year 8:
Mr Reddall: Had him for Geography even though he was a DT teacher. He looked like Papa Smurf. We spent many hours in his classes drawing in our books and singing the Smurfs theme tune as he walked past. One time my friend said 'Sir, were you on TV? I think I saw you on the Smurfs."
"Ok Robbie, give me your day book."
"Sorry sir, I left it by a toadstool."
My friend got an hour's detention, a phone call home and had to write a letter of apology. All because I had promised to give him 3 packets of cola bottles if he did it.

Year 9:
Mrs Taylor: Had her for music. She was such a crap teacher. Me and my friends hated her. We had her the previous year and decided to make this year even worse for her. We (me and my best friend) did various things such as starting chants of 'Sausage', refusing to work, using the Van Halen - Jump keyboard riff in a classical keyboard assessment, telling her where to stick it etc. We then found out that we'd managed to make her leave. Result!

I'm in year 10 now and all the teachers I have are pretty normal. So far.
(Tue 15th Nov 2005, 20:31, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

Someone told me about that. Eww.

I lost my virginity to a girl (I'm female) when I was 12 or 13. Does that count?

I also remember the first time I ever gave a guy a blowjob and his best mate walked in and said 'Do you want a cup?'
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 17:25, More)
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