» When animals attack...

anyone who owns a fairly young cat/kitten
knows they are bastards. mine is named "moo" cos she is such a cow.
reasons for attacking me:

she hasn't been fed
she hasn't been fed, for the second time that minute
she wants to go out
she wants to come in
(she knows she has a cat-flap, just doesn't care)
she has just rolled over in her sleep, fallen off the back of the chair, and wants to blame me for it
i'm asleep, she's not, and therefore i should be punished by having my face sat on every morning
shes found a hoover and wants to complain claws-and-all about it being near her
if i'm wearing denim, obviously i want to be used as a scratch post
if she arrives in the room and doesnt get instant attention

these are all good reasons apparently, for me to be bitch slapped by moo. but i still can't help but think shes cute. damned animals...

more to come i'm sure..
(length gag here)
//doesn't care
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 1:38, More)

» Essential Items

Oh tonnes of shite!!
before i leave the house i have to ensure i have the following items.

wallet, complete with money, condoms, cards, various contact details..
keys: to house, bike, boat, cash tin, unknown
maglite torch: possibly with spare batteries if its been a while
phone: never been switched off in around 3 years
mints: energy giving, removes early morning beer fuzzyness
cough sweets, just in case
matches/lighter:i dont smoke, just passes the time
chewing gum: keep buying it, never eat it. just need it there
diary: i have a crap memory, this has been a life saver
pen, always a "clicky" one
other, smaller maglite, in case the other gives out
other pen, as above. being prepared
chocolate bar, in case food is too far away. only eaten in extreme emergencies, and then replaced
sugary sweets of some sort, as above
at least enough small change for any eventuality, approx £5 in small denominations
scrap paper

if i have my bag with me:
a book,
magasine, for places a book would look out of place
water, though more for washing/firefighting than drinking
crisps, removes empty stomach aches when mints dont quite cut it
spare t-shirt, for warmth
string, just...because..
pliers (you have no idea how useful)
screwdriver + set of heads, always being asked to fix things.

im not overly paranoid, just happen to spend a lot of time drunk and need to know that when i wake up i have the stuff to find home/ survive on a park bench for a few days.

i really should get myself checked out by a shrink or something, this much crap has really worried me!!....
(Fri 28th Oct 2005, 3:02, More)