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- a member for 19 years, 2 months and 8 days
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» I was drunk when I bought this
Out clubbing in Blackpool
for a mate's birthday, and we all woke up the next morning with novelty condoms shaped like cats on our thumbs.
Mine was black.
Ace.
(Mon 13th Jun 2005, 20:39, More)
Out clubbing in Blackpool
for a mate's birthday, and we all woke up the next morning with novelty condoms shaped like cats on our thumbs.
Mine was black.
Ace.
(Mon 13th Jun 2005, 20:39, More)
» Losing Your Virginity
My first time was surreal
as we were on a stone bench (it was reminiscent of the slab where Frankenstein's Monster came to life), right next to a war memorial, and right in front of a pond full of perverted ducks who just watched and quacked occasionally. Also, it was 2 o'clock in the morning in April and freezing cold. And I was completely tanked on vodka.
He gave up in a mood because I kept laughing at the ducks, then laughed even harder when we nearly fell arse over tit into the pond. I never saw him again - but on the plus side, I inherited the quite lovely dress I'd borrowed off my sister for the night. She still can't look at it, nearly four years later.
(Mon 7th Mar 2005, 12:55, More)
My first time was surreal
as we were on a stone bench (it was reminiscent of the slab where Frankenstein's Monster came to life), right next to a war memorial, and right in front of a pond full of perverted ducks who just watched and quacked occasionally. Also, it was 2 o'clock in the morning in April and freezing cold. And I was completely tanked on vodka.
He gave up in a mood because I kept laughing at the ducks, then laughed even harder when we nearly fell arse over tit into the pond. I never saw him again - but on the plus side, I inherited the quite lovely dress I'd borrowed off my sister for the night. She still can't look at it, nearly four years later.
(Mon 7th Mar 2005, 12:55, More)
» Claims to Fame
When I lived in Hyde
my doctor was Harold Shipman. He correctly diagnosed mum's vertigo, and then spoiled it all by murdering hundreds of dear old blue-rinsed grannies. For shame.
Oh, and I was in the Warrington Guardian a couple of years back because I was in a crap band. We were called The Bangees. Enough said.
(Thu 24th Feb 2005, 17:58, More)
When I lived in Hyde
my doctor was Harold Shipman. He correctly diagnosed mum's vertigo, and then spoiled it all by murdering hundreds of dear old blue-rinsed grannies. For shame.
Oh, and I was in the Warrington Guardian a couple of years back because I was in a crap band. We were called The Bangees. Enough said.
(Thu 24th Feb 2005, 17:58, More)
» Teenage Poetry
We had a thing
called the Death Book, to ease our boredom at school - over 100 different ways to kill teachers (because they HOUNDED us, poor little darlings). I wrote a poem about it, and it goes like this:
Mr Leech in an acid vat
Mr Porter mauled by a cat
Mrs Hampton skewered with pins
Mrs Stoor with flayed-off skin
We'll put their heads in a bag of bees
We'll tie piranhas to their knees
We'll gas them in the science lab
And lay them out on the mortuary slab!
Hooray for angry teenagers!
(Thu 11th Aug 2005, 23:39, More)
We had a thing
called the Death Book, to ease our boredom at school - over 100 different ways to kill teachers (because they HOUNDED us, poor little darlings). I wrote a poem about it, and it goes like this:
Mr Leech in an acid vat
Mr Porter mauled by a cat
Mrs Hampton skewered with pins
Mrs Stoor with flayed-off skin
We'll put their heads in a bag of bees
We'll tie piranhas to their knees
We'll gas them in the science lab
And lay them out on the mortuary slab!
Hooray for angry teenagers!
(Thu 11th Aug 2005, 23:39, More)
» I'm an expert
I'm an expert
in being a fucking billy no-mates. I started gaining the experience when I was about 13 or so, and so far I've had seven years of intensive training in the subject.
O woe. Woe is me. Every day I die a little.
(Sat 25th Jun 2005, 22:18, More)
I'm an expert
in being a fucking billy no-mates. I started gaining the experience when I was about 13 or so, and so far I've had seven years of intensive training in the subject.
O woe. Woe is me. Every day I die a little.
(Sat 25th Jun 2005, 22:18, More)