b3ta.com user EssY
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» Social Networking Gaffes

More rules for women and men on how not to write profiles
1) Don't get upset at being treated as a pair of tits/a cock on legs if all your profile shows is a picture. No, people can't see your wonderful personality just by looking at you, all they can see is your face and your tits/bulge/whatever
1a) This also means no whinging about responses having to be 'original' if you have no interests listed

2) Going out with your friends and to the cinema do not count as interests, unless you're much more specific and enthusiastic about being into 30s pre war B&W films, for instance

3) You don't actually want walks on the beach - if you want sex say so, instead of asking for 'cosy nights in with a DVD'.FFS..
3a) Men want sex. Women want sex. It doesn't need stating, even suggestively, that you both want it.
3b) Also realise that if it sounds like sex will be months away or dependent on marriage, most people will give you a wide berth.

4) Guys : cock pictures - just don't. Women - don't overdo the tit shots.

5) Ladies : grow a fucking spine and make decisions, instead of getting a bloke to suggest something and then disagreeing.

6) 'knows how to treat a lady' = I am money grabbing. Welcome to equality and 50/50 bill paying.

7) If you wear a wedding dress/suit or are with children that aren't your own, people will draw the obvious (usually true) conclusion..

8) If you're in a picture with multiple people, you will automatically be the ugliest person.

9) I'm sure some men will stop being shallow about women's weight and tits, as soon as some women stop asking to be fucked by a broad shouldered over 6 foot bloke with a big cock. In the meantime, that's why people like body shots.
9a) It would also help if women didn't put down each other's weight/chest size, and men didn't put down small blokes.
10) Relationships are the same. It doesn't matter whether you're a man, woman or anything in between. Gay, straight, bi or asexual. The same mistakes and arguments happen everywhere.
10a) all your mistakes happen because 1) you don't listen and 2) you don't want to accept and adjust to what you're being told..

and remember - real life is just as weird as online, but it's far quicker to sift through people online.. Bitter? Not too much, but please send me someone nice and available with a brain.
(Mon 15th Sep 2008, 17:13, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

For americans that are unaware
Most men in the UK are uncircumcised; contrary to what you may have been indoctrinated with, circumcision has very few benefits, and a number of disadvantages.

UK Men are also fantastic, attentive, well endowed lovers. Any posts suggesting otherwise on here are only there to make you feel less inadequate..
(Mon 18th Jun 2007, 18:11, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

IT, dirty secrets
Actually, not that many.

We won't read your mail, unless it starts hitting spam catching keywords or lots of people take the piss. However, you can't hide what you're doing, and clearing your browser cache will not help.

The reboot advice is either because we're a) crap or b) it takes too long to diagnose the real cause

We'll always slightly over spec machines, because requirements will always expand, never reduce.

Don't be too much of an arse, because you'll get asked to replace software or hardware, rather than us spending our time doing extensive investigative work. Never expect v1.0 to be error free..

All hardware sucks. All software sucks. Just in different areas. If you want it to be stable *don't mess with it* once set up.

Whilst we may know a fair bit about applications, diagnosis, programming, operating systems, networking and so on we don't know everything about specific cases (i.e. how a Quadro and ServRAID copes with a shared interrupt on a 975X board). We won't specify any old crap, because we know claims of a product being fully tested with verified drivers are always bollocks.

There are tools which can make things faster, or give you more control. With practically no exceptions this comes at a risk of breaking other stuff, which is why they're not immediately available to plebs.

Sometimes software is an utter ripoff, but sometimes it isn't. It's especially not a ripoff if you have to have more than one emergency fix. You're also paying for future release development, and the money has to come from somewhere.

We find a lot of this stuff boring too, so don't think every nuance of computing excites us.
(Thu 27th Sep 2007, 16:21, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

Think yourself lucky most of you haven't really had bad sex
If you had, you'd know that no sex is actually much better than bad sex. There's fantastic sex, average sex, and mediocre sex, but bad sex is sex you'd pay not to have.

I'm not going to go into specifics, but you can draw your own conclusions..

For the love of everything, *wash*. If you know you stink, start off with a shower first..
Trim that bush. You don't have to get the shaver out, but at least get busy with the scissors - doing a 'Bellamy' is not fun.
If you're freaking out at something during sex, don't carry on and hope it'll get better - stop, or adjust things right away.
Unless there's something really wrong with your partner ('well, my ex really liked the gangrene') it is your job to adapt things so they work for both of you. A good lover is versatile.
The time for commenting about a partner's size/hair/lack of hair/technique/third leg is *after* sex, not during.
Don't whinge about your lover refusing to do something you won't do yourself.

Not that I'd count myself as amazing in bed, although offers from nice people wanting a relationship are always welcome..
(Mon 18th Jun 2007, 16:41, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

Not personally, but..
Friend of mine went to Amsterdam with others. He's happily attached so couldn't indulge, but some of his single friends could.. One chap found a suitable lady and paid her 50 euros (or similar) for sex - getting close to the brink he expressed an interest in relieving himself over her bare busoms 'that'll be another 50 euros' she said, aware of her captive market. He duly paid up and provided her with some neck jewelery..

He told one of his mates about this under the condition he didn't relay the detail to the rest of the party. fool.

Following morning at breakfast.
'Hey - Fred says you went with a prostitute last night - any good, how much did it cost?'
'Yeah, I suppose I did. About 100 euros'
'blimey, she saw you coming didn't she..'

cue collapse of party in hysterics.

(there are other stories too, people being robbed when leaving their wallet on the bed whilst having sex. One guy going round the porn shops laughing at horse porn, then going 'euggh' at a friend showing him a porno with one man sucking another. As if gay sex is worse than bestiality *shudder*..)

Wouldn't personally indulge - it's just not as much fun if you're not with someone taking the time and attention to care about you.
(Tue 24th Jan 2006, 11:11, More)
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